How Time Goes Faster As You Get Older.blog

Not long after moving to Jaffa, Bobbin came to live with Carly and Talulah. She was an adolescent cat from Carly’s good friend Ayala. She’d been placed with a family with a dog who just barked all day long at her. But Talulah had been brought up with elderly cats and knew her place. Firmly at the bottom of the pile. Bobbin was pretty smart but did spend a lot of time hissing particularly at the dog and quite often at Carly. But Carly is an inveterate cat lover and so persevered. Several months later she got a kitten from The Society of Protection of Cruelty to Animals. Moses was quite something else. He completely adored Talulah, and they would often be seen lying side by side on the bed and sofa and chase around the apartment. 

Carly’s son and daughter-in-law had bought a lovely sign for her apartment. It said Carly and Talulah in Hebrew and was by her front door. Carly added one that said, “and also Bobbin” and finally another one, “and in addition Moses”. The signs looked very smart and professional; no-one could claim ignorance of her pets’ names when they came around. 

But Moses did have a thing about the cat box, and his specialty was bursting out of it. The final time Carly used it with him she rendered it fool-proof with lots of bungee elastics to secure it in all three axes (x, y and z). Over the summer, when Carly was away in London, Isaac looked after all the animals. He confessed one day to Carly he was sure that Moses was pregnant. He claimed Moses’ belly had become very swollen over a matter of a few weeks and his nipples were enlarged. But Carly knew that not only had Moses been spayed but for sure he was male. Essentially, Moses had complained to Isaac that he was very hungry, and he ate far too much and with such gusto, he became fat very quickly. The perceived prominence of his nipples was just part of his rapid girth expansion. This meant Carly had to put Moses on a strict diet. He was NOT happy about this. Much later, well after weight gain and subsequent loss, one day he left. Carly was so sad. He was the best cat she had ever had. She just hoped he had found another family.

A few months went by and her old friend, Simeon, from London, was looking to rehome his three cats. He wanted one adopted, one fostered and one didn’t know. Simeon told her that Wendy was a three-legged cat who was horrid. Well, “no thanks,” muttered Carly. Then there was Willow who Simeon adored and eventually wanted back but Carly isn’t in the business of fostering cats. Too much emotion involved there. But Simeon did offer her Prince Harry. Really, she should change the name. If she called him Prince Moses, she could probably keep the door sign, and she did have a son called Harry. However, she had recently read that cats do know their names, and he was a ginger tom, and so Prince Harry was a good name. Well, good enough to keep. She would just have to shell out for a new door sign. Simeon, like many cat owners, liked to leave food out all the time. This meant Prince Harry was obese and this wasn’t going to work for Carly. He needed to be able to fit under the garage door and out of the grills in her window to access the outside. So, she fed him separately from Bobbin so he wouldn’t steal her food as she was a slow coach, and he was a demon speed eater. 

Occasionally, Carly forgot all about him, but he let her know it was time to be allowed out of his eating room. He would meow like mad and stand on his back legs scratching the door repeatedly. 

He settled in quickly and made good friends with Talulah. They matched in colour and temperament. Both were high energy and believed they were dogs. Obviously, one was! He became friends with Clive (a partially ginger tom from next door) but not with Bobbin who continued to hiss at him and every other animals. Carly had been given some coloured hair conditioner by her friend Tova. This meant that Carly and Talulah and Prince Harry all had orangey-red hair/fur. This inspired Tamar (a friend and professional photographer) to take pictures of all three of these similarly coloured creatures! But it is one thing to take photos of children. Pets are quite another. Much, much harder. But Tamar is a keen and committed expert photographer. Carly wore a variety of red dresses, and the photographs Tamar took were joyous. 

Once he walked quite far with Carly and Talulah when they were on their way to the beach. He had crossed Yefet which is a busy main road. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. So, she had to circle back. And stop the traffic on Yefet. Which was just about possible, except the cat, still really being a cat, decided that now was not the time he wanted to cross. He looked like he was shrugging his shoulder and telling Carly “Whatevs”. Luckily, he eventually did. 

Prince Harry loved to go up and down the street telling anyone who would listen that he was not fed at all and was absolutely starving. One day Carly met Tal who showed her how he gave the cat a tin twice a day. Carly explained that he must desist, and she went home to work out how to tell people not to feed him. She’d bought an engraving kit but not really used it. But now she had an idea. She bought three plain tags from the pet shop and on one side engraved her mobile number and on the other as clearly as she could engraved “Do NOT feed me”. She bought three quick release cat collars as he was a rascal and could get stuck up a tree. This way he was less likely to strangle himself. 

Prince Harry thought himself rather fetching in his new collar with its personalised tag. He spent time in local coffee shops. Carly would pick him up on the way back for supper time. The owner from one of the cafes told Carly that the dog owners weren’t happy about Prince Harry’s presence. Carly apologised and then told the owner he would need to speak to the cat himself directly, shrugged and walked home with the cat in tow. Prince Harry and the dog would run up the street jumping over each other until they arrived at the door. 

Then the messages started. Or random phone calls. Prince Harry would be keen to sit around in air-conditioned shops. Particular favourites were the furniture shop as their beds were very comfy, in clothes shops under the lovely drapey dresses and at the gym where he could ogle at all these mad humans getting themselves in a lather and sweating whilst he lay down and had a rest. Mostly people called because they were worried about him. Mostly Carly was worried in case they might feed him. But it was clear to all those he met, he was loved and ‘owned’ as he had a collar. At night Carly would remove it as the shops were shut, and he could roam around incognito as cats are prone to do.

One particular woman was very concerned about Prince Harry’s safety. She wrote extremely long text messages. Initially, she was quite kind and considerate. He’s so sweet and such a little prince, and he loves being around people — it honestly upsets me personally when people try to chase him away. You don’t need to thank me. What matters to me is the well-being of the kitten — of all of them, but especially this one. It’s clear he doesn’t really know how to manage on the street. People drive fast here — cars, motorcycles, and so on — and I don’t want this whole story to end in tragedy. Then she became more strident. He’s too curious, too trusting of people, and clearly not adapted to street life. So either take responsibility for him, or find him a home where someone will. And finally laid on the guilt about how Carly was not a competent cat owner. I honestly just want the best for these little ones. And he’s such a prince. I picked him up yesterday and hugged him — he’s amazing and starving for affection. I wish I could adopt him too… He has the most perfect personality. He loves people, loves being held…And sadly, in our world, that kind of nature — just looking for someone to be near — can be really dangerous. He’s just a little baby…But the area around here isn’t the safest for him. When he wanders between cars, I get full-on panic attacks and find myself stopping cars, scooters, and motorcycles just to help him cross safely.

As Carly was away, she told the people looking after her animals to keep the cats inside during the day and this seemed to do the trick. Once Carly returned, Prince Harry took to the streets. His favourite haunt was a local pasta place. On two nights in a row, they had to call Carly to collect him. The café staff felt some customers might not like to see a ginger tom marching around the kitchen! But they did feel bad to ask Carly to collect him as they dearly loved him. However, Carly didn’t mind in the least collecting him. She went with Talulah and the two orangey-red animals happily skipped back home.

Carly isn’t sure how long she has had Netflix or nor why she still pays for it for her family. All her kids are adults invariably well-paid jobs and really should be paying for it themselves. Sometimes she gets really annoyed, and just for the hell of it changes the password. She then measures how long it is before they all begin messaging her and petitioning her for this golden password. But the cost for a family or an individual is pretty similar, so really she will carry on for the moment. 

Some of the things she has watched recently have been very helpful for her career. She thinks that they are fine to use as CPD (continuing professional development) points. Firstly, there was a short miniseries, Adolescence, shot over an hour for each one about a teenage boy who had murdered a fellow school student. She watched this with a colleague in Podgorica, Montenegro, where they had gone for a jolly. Shame, not only did it rain ALL THE TIME; but they were staying in a place so ugly it made Milton Keynes look like the UK premier holiday destination. This series all hinged on social media. Carly learnt all about incels and the 80/20 rule where 80% of women only like 20% of men. And so that leaves the other 80% of the men out in the cold and estranged from love. It seemed a bit harsh. Carly typed up notes so that she could provide evidence that this series really was educational for her and her colleague.

And then Carly thinks about herself. She is still steadfastly single despite being on dating apps and trying oh so very hard to meet someone. She looks at all these couples going about the place. So many of the women are beyond ugly and they have ensnared a man. Maybe these women look like their partner’s mother and so these men see beauty where Carly feels there is none. Really, she just shouldn’t be so bitter, and this 80/20 rule should leave even more men available for Carly, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Maybe Carly should just try and be uglier? The other series that Carly wants to count towards her professional learning to make her a better paediatrician is Love on the Spectrum. There is so much mandatory learning at her hospital. Hours of tedious and trite interviews with all sorts of people followed by a banal quiz which her dog Talulah could probably answer and still get above the pass mark. At least with this series, Carly can reflect on how autistic teenagers are keen to date and look at some of the strategies they employ to ensure success. These could well apply to Carly. She wonders if she is in fact autistic. She thinks not but as she is so scary who is going to suggest this? But she does realise that nowadays being autistic is very much verging on the new normal. Most of the participants in Glow-Up, a fantastic competition also on Netflix, for make-up artists, are autistic too. And they are always addressing this aspect of their personality in the creative brief. Like many of these competition programmes, they follow a set pattern. Whether it is baking, sewing or glassblowing, they are all the same. And Carly just loves them. In Glow-Up, they start with an industry assignment, and the two worst performers end up in the red chairs. They have 15 minutes less to complete their creative brief than their competitors. This is judged by Val and Dom (two make-up gurus) and a guest judge. There is of course only one winner who basks in glory for that particular week. Sometimes they get the ultimate accolade and with a verbal “ding-dong” from Val. The two scoring the lowest are in a face off. They must do a 10-minute make-up on identical twins! Maybe a smoky eye or jewel-encrusted lip. One lives to tell another tale and can return the following week. But one is sent off to collect their things and leave. There is always a lot of crying and hugging for all the contestants whether they win or lose. It reminds Carly of a saying from her previous London Rebbetzin. She would say, “Whether you win or lose, you always win!” Carly really disagreed. It is important in life to take defeat on the chin; or is it the nose? There goes Carly again. Irrelevant musings as always!

Carly has watched all manner of cooking competitions including the Blue-Ribbon Baking Championship set in the good olde USofA, The Chef’s Table, BBQ showdown and Cooking with Cannabis. She loved the one on innovative cocktails too. Most of these programmes are a one-off series and this makes Carly so very sad. But she has watched several series of Blown Away. She gets all hot and sweaty thinking about this programme. Again, it is a competition, and they produce the most amazing glass pieces but as the participants are spending all their time by furnaces, glory holes (whatever they are!) and wielding hot metal implements to shape things they are all sweating all the time. And because it is glass, not an episode goes out without someone smashing their hard made work. This is definitely something to watch at home. No one in their right mind would want to be in the boiling hot and dangerous Blown Away workshop. 

Sometimes, Carly puts in some of her favourite craft words into the search engine, but this rarely yields results. How could there be a speedy knitting competition? Fast and knitting are pretty much mutually exclusive. So, Carly asks for recommendations. 

She recently watched Kim’s Convenience Store that Tova had suggested to her. Nice and light watching. Nothing scary; but it was a teensy bit old-fashioned although amusing, nonetheless. Her son Harry told her to watch The Metal Detectorists, which was such fun. Really, something that Carly has never understood. She has recently seen people by the beach in Jaffa searching for metal bits with large waders and unwieldy equipment with headphones to hear the metal talking to them. But the Netflix programme was entertaining anyway. Like many of the podcasts she loves to listen to, she learnt a lot about a new topic she previously knew nothing about. 

When she started going out with David, oh so long ago, they watched The Queens Gambit which was excellent and meant she briefly thought she might want to learn chess but then she decided against that. She often sees it still advertised five years on and it makes her think of David and smile. 

She really enjoyed both Shtisel and Unorthodox which are fictional programmes about the orthodox Jewish community. Certainly, Shtisel was made to be amusing as well as intimate. Interesting, Unorthodox used some of the same actors. Maybe the pool is too small. Then Carly thought back to some of the Spanish series she had seen on Netflix. She watched two period pieces – The Gran Hotel set in the 1900s and Cable Girls in 1930s and Money Heist which was contemporary. They had so many of the same actors. It is quite fun trying to work out who is who in which one! She tried to watch them in the original language rather than dubbed. This is not for pretentious reasons of needing to see them authentically in the language in which they were originally made. But because the temptation is to do something else at the same time whereas Carly can really switch off if she is fully immersed and that means watching the screen for the English translation. 

Sometimes, Carly will decide to spend an evening in and watch an entire movie. If they are too scary or boring, she can easily switch to another one. This is where the top 10 film recommendations are really helpful to narrow things down. Mostly she goes for feel good and romantic comedies. “No, thank you” Carly says to sci-fi or ones with too much murder. 

Her daughter suggested Emily in Paris. What a wonderful and amusing light-hearted series. Carly keeps checking if any new episodes will be coming out but at the end Emily moves to Madrid or Rome. So, it won’t be the same title. Shame that Carly’s memory is so rubbish that she cannot remember in which capital this series ended!

Carly ponders what her favourite series is on Netflix. It has to be Love is Blind. She has watched the American and UK series since its inception. She isn’t sure why she is so smitten. She doesn’t see herself as being one of the women in the pods. They are all fabulously pretty and aged 20 to 35. Carly, of course, does think she is fabulously pretty for her age! But no one on these programmes has any lines or wrinkles. They probably all have Botox. Some of the people at Carly’s work have had Botox numerous times. Carly looks at them with her head tilted to one side and then the other. She wonders if their lips are going to burst. Certainly, they seem really full and pouty and thin. She wonders if they could burst. And there is an excellent blood supply to the lips, so if they did burst, there would be an inordinate amount of blood and possible death may ensue. Really can lips be that necessary to fiddle around with.

Back to Love is Blind. So, Carly knows this is pure voyeurism. She likes to predict how many couples will get engaged, sight unseen, how many will not physically fancy their fiancé and how many will say “yes” at the altar? Carly has done a survey and only one third get married and it is usually the woman who says no. The tension builds up and Carly just cannot wait for each new episode to be screened. She is a total addict and unable to contain her excitement. Unfortunately, she only has her daughter-in-law to share in her obsession. She has decided not to start watching Love is Blind from other countries as it might take over. Well actually even more so. Who is she kidding – it has already. She even made a Ken and Barbie Love is Blind. Will they tie the knot and smash the glass? Who knows…

Carly tries her hand at the dating scene in TLV

Every time Carly returns to the UK, everyone expectantly turns to her, tilts his or her head to the side and looks at her mournfully. “So how is the dating scene in Israel?” Harrumph, says Carly to herself. Really, she is trying but she is also happy being alone. And you just cannot so easily pair up. It is just that most of her friends in the UK are paired up and they want that for her. Even the ones in the most miserable of relationships. As a way of telling the world she is happy being single, on her WhatsApp profile she has a sunny picture of herself and the strapline “Singleness is not a waiting room”. A number of friends have liked this sentiment and agree. But still, Carly does try. For the last two years she has been regularly on three dating apps. “Hinge” as you can select for Jews only and still not pay, “J-Swipe” as she has been on this a very long time and it feels comforting to her and finally a new one – “OkCupid” as that is how her friends Wendy and Francis met and she hopes this might be the one for her and the cure for all ills – well the ills of the incessant repeated question of whether there is anyone special in her life. Gosh, she has so very many special people in her life. But nonetheless, she does go on these apps. And for sanity, it is one month using the dating apps and paying for them and then a two-month recovery period on no dating apps at all.

She keeps her information on the apps up to date with recent photos and information – the right amount – no navel gazing necessary but enough facts to explain that she came to live in Israel just before the October 2023 war and speaks no Hebrew. She has tried to learn. Not really very hard, but it all stems back to Miss Garnet. She still remembers where she was sitting in the classroom in her burgundy City of London School for Girls uniform in one of her last ever French lessons before the O level. Miss Garnet, in a very loud voice, pointed with her index finger at Carly, who really was then totally Caroline. All these decades later she freezes at the thought of this embarrassing scenario. The teacher called her just by her surname just to make her feel even smaller. This wasn’t the usual form of address in a girls’ school. She said in a booming, snarly voice “Fertleman, you are not to touch French A Level with a barge pole”. And that was the end of Carly’s ability to learn any languages. She even got the top grade of an A in the French O Level. She wondered why she was banned.

And this does have a bearing on using dating apps in Israel. Many of the men will obviously reply to her in Hebrew. But really Carly cannot manage a relationship other than in English. She will translate with some of the men she has matched with on Google Translate and reply in English. When they persist in continuing in Hebrew when she has been explicit then puff, they are to be ghosted. One of the men she met on OkCupid was born in Spain – Fernando. And he had lived in America for four years. But he wanted to conduct a relationship in English only using Google Translate. This wasn’t going to bode well as Carly is pretty impatient. He was a very nice man and wrote the most beautiful text messages (he fessed up later these were on ChatGPT). He was very romantic and an excellent kisser. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was on the second date where he claims he had given all his money to a friend whose apartment had been hit in recent Iranian missile attacks. But Carly knew something wasn’t quite right. The local government has everything in place to help people like his friend. And it meant Fernando, good soul that he was, came to the second date with only 40 shekels which doesn’t even cover a glass of wine. And really, he lived for four years in the USA with no spoken English. Maybe he just got by in Spanish. Hey ho.

Around the same time as this Carly met a very nice man – Avishay. He had been divorced for a long time and worked as a salesman. He told Carly he was a real sales expert! He could sell just about anything. He was born to Bulgarian parents and really liked to eat in a couple of cafes that cooked the food of his childhood. Also being a creature of habit, he always went to the same café – Alma in Jaffa. This makes an appearance later in this story! Avishay’s spoken English was excellent, although his texting was completely unintelligible – Carly told him he must only leave voice notes.

He was kind and funny and arranged to take Carly on a romantic picnic near the river in Bavli, northern TLV. Then he suggested Carly come to his place for a home cooked meal. It was, by his own admission, the only meal he cooked. Pasta with tomato sauce. So, Carly set off with her trusty dog, Talulah, into the depths of Bat Yam by bus. She went into his apartment. It was all dark and dingy. There were no pictures on the wall, there were cheap, stackable white plastic chairs on the balcony, which was strange, as he was currently working at a high-end garden furniture show room. And in the kitchen. Horror of horrors. The cabinets were clearly falling off, as there were shoelaces tying the cupboard handles together to stop the contents falling on the floor. The pasta was unremarkable (one plastic pot of tomato paste, onion and garlic) and despite having a car didn’t offer to take Carly back. When she eventually arrived home, she ended that one with one of her previously stored text replacement phrases.

As this was dating month, Carly went a bit mad and was reaching out to all manner of people. Ilan seemed very nice. Carly said that she wasn’t keen on all this texting and if he was up for it she’d love to meet him face to face. He was going to be passing through, near her on the way from his home to his daughter and could stop by for a coffee. It had been a night of heavy bombing and only a few coffee shops were open. But the one on her street was. It felt a bit like covid all over again. There was a queue all down the street but without the social distancing. But this was Carly and Ilan’s rendezvous point. Carly always goes on first dates with Talulah as she is comforting for Carly and provides a modicum of safety. Also of utmost importance is that any potential date must like animals. In the words of her son Tobes “People who don’t like animals are red flags to any relationship for me!”

So, she trundled down her street and was overwhelmed by the long line but spotted Ilan. He already had three negative attributes – frizzy hair, mirrored aviator sunglasses and bursting out of his tee-shirt with supersized pectorals. But it wasn’t going to be a long date, so she continued. They decided that the queue would take too long and instead headed off for an iced lolly by the clocktower. But there was an issue. And it is one of the reasons Carly prefers to meet in person. Smell. And boy oh boy was there a bad smell. A combination of fish and sewage. Carly kept wrinkling up her nose, but it would not go away. It followed her from the overly popular coffee shop to the iced lolly shop, to the bench where they sat and Ilan told her what a ‘he-man’ he was whilst eating. He then said he had to go. Carly was delighted as with him heading off, the smell would disappear too. He told her he could swing by on his return and Carly said she would let him know. The moment he was out of earshot Carly sent him the nix/nox text. And breathed a sigh of relief. And she headed home with Talulah. Another one bites the dust. But wait a moment. The smell continued…Carly smelt all over her body and could not locate the area. And then thought he must have thought she smelt and was still prepared to meet again. She went home bemused. On the way into her building, she told her neighbour, Noa, the story of the smelly date. Noa looked at her with her head cocked to the side, in disbelief. Really. Could Carly not work it out? It was the dog who smelt and then Carly remembered her walk that morning. They had walked past all the fishing nets in the Jaffa Port and Talulah had rolled in them endlessly. Carly glared down at Talulah and said, “Bath,” firmly and in she jumped for a major wash and shampoo. Maybe, Carly should have apologised to Ilan but this relationship was never going to work out on account of the three negative attributes.

So back to the drawing board. Another day, another dollar.

Nicole, a good friend, introduced her sister, Tanya, to Carly. She thought they would have a lot in common, and they do! Tanya lived in Tel Aviv and Nicole knew Carly was going to be moving there at some point in time in the future. And, although they get on well, they have a lot of differences. All that Carly can remember from that first meeting at a trendy restaurant in Tel Aviv was that she could hardly hear anything. This was because of the extremely loud and very lousy music. But this is very much Tanya’s vibe, so they chose to differ on this. Tanya was forever suggesting that Carly joins her on some all-night dancing rave. But then they both remember that very first meeting. Not only would the music be too loud but dancing all night – too reminiscent of her days as a junior doctor having to stay awake all night. “No thanks” thinks Carly. They will have to go their separate ways on that one. 

Of course, to be such good friends they do have lots of other things in common. They both have grey hair. Is this binding for them? Probably not. Carly’s is rarely just grey. Normally lots of other colours in the red-blue spectrum are involved. But Tanya likes hers just plain grey. Actually, it is almost a goldenly type of grey. This meant when they went to the Alpaca Farm for a short holiday, they had to very carefully choose the colour order of the undyed alpaca yarn for the stripey jumper Carly was going to knit for Tanya. Tanya did not want her hair to look yellowish against the cream. It seemed best for the top of the jumper to be black and then gradually go through various greys to a cream at the base. Carly felt that colour placement and order are important to make the viewer see the lusciousness of Tanya’s hair. Which it is. So yes. Tanya and Carly do have grey hair, and this might be something they both enjoy and relish rather than endless dyeing of roots and playing pretend that they are young, but that really isn’t enough for an entire friendship. Can you imagine going up to someone and saying, “Ah, you have lovely grey hair, I admire you for embracing your age, I agree with that value set, and so will you be my friend?”

Tanya and Carly had a wonderful trip to the Alpaca Farm and whilst there made a BBQ, went horse-riding, watched alpacas and went for walks. They shared a bed the first night. That was the first and last time. No more stealing of duvets and being too close. The second night, Carly took to the fold-up bed, and both were so much happier. Phew. Honesty is always the best course along with open and clear communication as the key to new friends going on holiday. And this paved the way for a holiday of a lifetime together. To India.

Carly got to Amber Fort, Jaipur, Rajasthan, a day before Tanya. This meant she could go around with Busty Bindi Barbie and introduce her to cows, traditionally dressed Indian men and women as well as having a fabulous time in the Anokhi Museum. This was going to be Tanya’s first time in India. In fact, any non-Western country and so Carly was mindful to make it as enjoyable for Tanya as possible. Carly intended to trip down memory lane, but it was all new and exciting for Tanya. Mobile communication was dodgy, and Carly wasn’t sure when Tanya would arrive. She marched up to the main road and someone on a motorbike offered her a lift. Ooooh what fun. Then she saw a taxi swerve past her with what looked like a white woman with goldenly grey hair in the back. She insisted the biker stop and hey presto she found Tanya. They then zoomed off together to the rather basic homestay in the cab. They had a wonderful time around Amber Fort. They had coffee in terracotta one-use cups (which Carly brought home for plants) whilst watching the elephants returning with their riders from their morning work. They had sumptuous meals at the mosaic guesthouse and watched (yet again for Carly) the sound and light show at the Fort. As expected, there were lots of battles and coronations! All was going well for both of them. Of course they had their differences. Tanya insisted on having ice made from bottled water. Carly would endlessly roll her eyes. And every time they set off, Tanya had to pee. Carly explained that it was much better for her bladder to hold more urine to improve her pelvic floor and didn’t she manage many hours overnight? But it had been drilled into Tanya as a child that you HAVE to PASS URINE at every available opportunity. Carly thinks gleefully now that maybe she still pops into Tanya’s head every time she pees in the daytime. But maybe she doesn’t? She will have to clarify this with Tanya as soon as possible! And finally, there is Tanya’s ridiculous overuse of the word yummy. There are so many alternatives such as delicious, delectable, lip-smacking, luscious and tasty. And Carly is eager to point them out. But don’t worry. It is not one-sided! Carly is no angel in Tanya’s eyes who is happy to point out her foibles to her. She is particularly driven to giving Carly unsolicited advice about romantic intimate situations. 

Then the pair went to stay at one of Carly’s all-time favourite hotels. 47 Jobner Bagh is in the centre of Jaipur. It was a treasure of a place with an excellent restaurant, beautiful lawns and spectacular flower arrangements of marigolds in trugs of water. Everyone staying there was in the chic end of the clothing business from Paris, Madrid and Lisbon. Carly and Tanya felt rather old and fuddy-duddy by comparison. They also took some very dodgy Ubers around the city mostly for Carly to see if she could scare Tanya witless… And she did!

Their best day in Jaipur was with Tanya’s Snoopy who had a whole wardrobe of outfits as they took him round the Jantar Mantar (royal observatory) and Hawa Mahal (palace of the winds). It was astonishing how many tourists and locals were happy to pose with this cute stuffed animal. Groups of school children and entire families would engage in Carly’s photographic project. Carly did take Snoopy out early one morning for a session with a load of local wildlife. Actually, beasts of burden and the like. And whoops. Carly forgot the rules and had placed Snoopy on the ground. She profusely apologised and NEVER did this again. Or, in fact, did she?

Tanya and Carly then set off for the dyeing and printing city of Bagru. This was really Carly’s thing, but Tanya was happy to muddle along with her. But for sure she was less keen. Especially when she saw the shared bathroom. So, Tanya went back with the other tourists who attended the workshop and stayed in a fancy hotel in Jaipur and drank lots of gins and tonics. Carly had a much more mediocre evening eating with the family. By then Busty Bindi Barbie was a double amputee having lost a leg and an arm and so she left this poor soul there. Nevertheless, she was pleased with what she had printed on fabric using Bagru, Dabu and acrylic techniques. 

Then off for the final stop of Pushkar. They each had huge rooms in the Dia Homestay. Ravi, the house manager, immediately remembered Carly from five years before and showed her what was left of the tree she had yarn-bombed – not much! He took them about on his scooter to a rose factory and to a temple besieged by monkeys at the top of 89 steps. He took them back to his place for supper. After eating his daughter and niece decorated both their left feet with sumptuous henna designs. Ravi still regularly sends messages to both Tanya and Carly. But he was very clear. They must return next time with boyfriends! Oh no…such pressure.

Whilst in Pushkar, Tanya and Carly decided to be regular tourists for once. They went in a taxi to Ajmer. In the wonderfully exotic Jain temple, Tanya showed Carly how to take a myriad of reflection photos. This was a great place to do it as it looked like the designers of the shrine were high on several different kinds of psychedelic mushrooms. There were all manner of mythical beasts and air transportation devices only the most imaginative of minds could think of. And all of it made of gold. It made you quite giddy as well as being breathtaking. 

Next up was the Ajmer Fort with its museum. There was a long corridor with lots of mirrors and side rooms set at strange angles. Most of the pieces were on loan elsewhere. Or had been removed or stolen. Carly raced along with Tanya videoing from behind. They both collapsed in heaps of giggles at the end. Finally, they went to a shopping mall where Carly bought some very cheap trainer socks ($1 for 3 pairs).

Carly and Tanya happened to be in Pushkar on October 7^th and decided they would have a ceremony in commemoration of the hostages taken and the start of the war in Israel a year before. They sat on a bench outside Tanya’s room and lit incense sticks, burnt tea lights, arranged some flowers in a vase, ate several kinds of Indian sweets and drank gin and tonics out of teacups. Pushkar is dry and this is how you can secretly drink alcohol there. They read out all the names of the hostages and some appropriate information about each of them. It felt pertinent and meaningful. 

Carly and Tanya had a fabulous trip. They had ironed out any issues by travelling together beforehand and being thoroughly open when communicating to prevent irritations, however seemingly minor, becoming insurmountable. They remain the best of friends to this day. And will they return with boyfriends? Who knows?

As I was going to Japan I needed to make Kimono Barbie. I chose the one with long hair from my 2 recent Barbie purchases from Akko. The blond one wasn’t really relevant. I studied kimono patterns and used the fabric that Christian and Maria had bought for me in Japan. I made huge winged sleeves and used dusty pink felt to attach them to the body. I made her an underskirt and used the gold as a bow. I made her earrings and necklace to complete the look.

I wanted to place Barbie next to cherry blossom for my exhibition. I bought both 2 sticks of lego (I had to make it) cherry blossom and also one of plum blossom (as yet to make – April 2026). I saw both on Love on the Spectrum and screenshotted it! but it failed. Seems you cannot screenshot Netflix!

Eli found a fabulous threads x 2 exhibition and as I had to return to Israel via London from Tokyo (and via Addis Ababa and Larnaca!) I could see this wonderful duo of exhibitions with her.

Chiharu Shiota: Threads of Life

Yin Xiuzhen: Heart to Heart

New York, Hamburg, Melbourne, London, Brussels, Seoul, Shenzhen and Dunhuang

We almost weren’t going to go there. We were on our way to somewhere else but it seemed popular and huge and fascinating. It was and we were there for hours. Superb.

What a smashing museum. All sorts of art. Including a swimming pool you can look at up from above and enter from below.

One evening, when Carly’s neighbours, Noa and Pini, were over, they noticed there were seven Barbies in lilac outfits that were peeping over the top of the TV. Noa told Carly that her collection of Barbies displayed in this way was kinky, and they both laughed. In fact, she did go on quite a bit about it, and Pini privately reprimanded Noa for embarrassing Carly. Far from being embarrassed, Carly had delighted in Noa’s judgement, and both felt relieved. But this did give Carly an idea. It stemmed from the photographic project she did of Carlos who is an embroidered pink toy dog. Maybe she needs to take these seven Barbies around Jaffa and take a series of fun photographs to create an album? Carly has a new obsession. Oh but don’t worry about Carlos missing out. He has already been photographed all around Padua, Limoges and Oslo.

Carly had bought the fake Barbies in Highbury, North London for extra decoration when she had an open house to display her sabbatical purple, prime number and spiral makes. She had her doors open for four days, from dawn to dusk, and welcomed over 150 guests. They were all allowed to choose a piece and take it home after the end of the show. Carly had festooned purple bunting outside between street lamp posts and her railings whilst tying up 13 purple helium balloons by her front door. She offered purple sweets and drinks, music, and in return, visitors needed to fill in wise and kind (compulsory!) words in a book. The pandemic had delayed this exhibition and Carly, who needed to carry on with her creative journey, made even more things. This helped her reconcile her very angry feelings towards lockdown.

Besides the bunting, she made hanging room dividers, dyed a hammock and made a macrame holder for her favourite tradescantia plant. This had very long hanging strands. What better or kinkier than hanging seven Barbies by their legs under this plant? It certainly provided humour as well as derision. 

The Barbies arrived in the shipment to Jaffa, but Carly wasn’t initially sure what to do with them, so she placed them behind the TV. But now she has an idea. Like a crazy woman she raced around Jaffa photographing them in all sorts of places. In coffee shops, in plant pots and in the pet shop, balancing on cat collars there. She took close up shots and from a distance. Always all seven together. Then Tova had an idea. “Let’s put them underneath an oncoming train”, she suggested. For sure, no one would get hurt as the train would easily clear them. But, wisely, Tova went to speak to the driver so he wouldn’t worry. 

Carly thought this had been a splendid project, but it was a one-off. But no! Once Carly is on a mission, she finds it hard to put on the brakes. She saw a Barbie in a lilac furry coat whilst travelling to see her son Tobes for a short break in Thessaloniki. He was very unenthused about Carly insisting on bringing ‘Furry-Coat Barbie’ on all their outings and adventures. As it happened, they did quite a lot of different things, so he was saved from his weird and embarrassing mother. Carly’s favourite place to take Furry-Coat Barbie was the Museum of Deception and Illusion. There she needed to persuade the staff to take photos of them together in all manner of poses. She did manage to take one photo of this Barbie with Tobes when they were having cocktails on a pirate ship. The next day, all three went to the beach. Joy of joys. Carly found a ‘Mermaid Barbie’ to buy for her next holiday.

Carly went, as usual, to Lemnaradis for her biannual yoga and writing retreat but this time took Mermaid Barbie. She was photographed by the sea, sunsets and in a variety of kitchen equipment. Carly managed to persuade both deer and peacocks on Moni Island to be in her photographs with Mermaid Barbie.

Carly was now on a roll and actively looking for Barbies. But that is when you are least likely to find them, so you just have to think right outside of the box. On her way down to a family weekend away in Sandbanks, she found a sweet dispenser she named ‘Pez Barbie’. “She’s really called ‘Princess Peach’”, her niece, Braiens, told her. She had no idea trainee lawyers would know such things. “Well, I never”, Carly snickered to herself. This Pez Barbie found herself buried in sand, seaweed and drowned in glasses and vases of water. Not so good for anyone who wanted to flick back her neck to reveal some soggy sweets! On the last day, she and Braiens went on the bus and chain-link ferry to Studland Bay. The tattooed driver was happy to get involved in Carly’s photography antics. As was Braiens’ brother. Not so Carly’s own children. 

Later that summer, Carly was returning from seeing Sandra in Berwick-upon-Tweed and stopped to meet an old colleague in York on the way. They went to eat in a historic house with a rather wonderful shop. Carly found six ‘Drinks-Markers Barbies’ called Sassy, Kellee, Chrystal, Candice, Ginger and Lacey. They were only 4 cm in height, had enormous breasts and had their names emblazoned on their bikini bottoms. Carly decided they would be a good addition to the Barbie retinue. And they were all photographed in hospital between seeing patients. Carly got rather carried away and put them in, under and on medical equipment such as vomit bowls, bladder syringes and specula. She also pierced them with cannulas and lumbar puncture needles as well as sewing them into blue medical masks. Her friends Noumi and Sol didn’t have a very clear number sign for their house. So, Carly bought a square box frame, painted a huge number, 14 and speared all the Drinks-Master Barbies with a huge spinal needle and placed them all in the corner at the bottom. She’s sure they can cope as they are both medics. 

In India, Carly bought some bindi spots and placed one on a Barbie there. She took ‘Bindi Barbie’ (after checking with Noumi who is Hindu that it wasn’t too politically incorrect) all around Pushkar. Everyone she asked was delighted to be photographed with her. The cows too, but they didn’t give informed consent! Whilst there she bought an outfit that Shiva (a Hindu god) would wear. Back in Israel, ‘Shiva Barbie’ hurtled around Ra’anana, having photos taken with her stuck in flowers and plants, on playground equipment and on people’s garden gates unbeknownst to them!

By now, Carly had amassed quite a collection of Barbies and was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of them. Her friend, Sarabeth, was throwing out two rather nice wooden trays. Debby, another friend, suggested she take them and start making some Barbie installations. So, another craze began. Carly managed to fix the seven original Barbies on the two trays. Some were attached using plastic hooks around their necks and others were laying down. One of them ended up being squeezed into a defunct clock. She really did look creepy. But “This is all in the name of art”, Carly told herself.

Outside her apartment, Carly found some discarded, slightly damaged large canvases. Being resourceful and trying to keep a sort of eye on her expenses, Carly quickly brought them inside. She easily repaired them and painted the largest one a luscious Barbie pink. Now for a community project. Every time some came round, they had to choose one of 15 Barbies, decide her pose and position her on the canvas. Then Carly would sew her in with waxed thread. Everyone loved doing this. Apart from one person who sneered and declined. However, by taking the canvas on and off the wall, 15 times meant the wall hook loosened. Crash and down the canvas and all the Barbies fell. This meant the waxed thread ripped through the canvas and they were now all rather wobbly. But luckily, as Carly was able to avert disaster by inserting small blocks of wood, it lived to tell another tale. 

Jesus and Christina came round one afternoon. They were upfront and honest about the gift they had brought. It had been passed on several times. It was an amazing box that contained unbelievably sweet treats from Algeria. They sample them all but, in the end, most went out on the street. However, the box was beyond sumptuous with a cork backing. Carly imprisoned four small Barbies with drawing pins and sock yarn. There was then a debate. “Why don’t you call it ‘Trafficked-Barbies’, Carly,” Yasmeen suggested. But Jesus countered that it narrowed down the viewer’s interpretation. Carly is in a quandary. She, not only, wants to please her friends, but hates it when artists are too lazy to give their piece a title and call it ‘untitled’. She isn’t sure where to go. For the moment, she will leave it as ‘Imprisoned Barbies’. And how much do people want to be told what is in front of them and how much they should infer for themselves? Oh, these existential questions that should bother Carly. “Nah”, she says, “Not that much of the time!”

One evening, Carly went to a painting event. They were all to do their own version of Yayoi Kusama’s ‘Hummingbird with a red flower’. Carly feels her one could benefit from a bit of ‘Barbiefying’. So, she adds yellow feathers to the bird, some jewels for his eyes and enhances his beak by adding a long, black, shiny hair clip. By this stage she can only use a pair of Barbie shoes as the dolls have all been spoken for. She glues them in the centre of the canvas. She calls this piece ‘Barbie escapes from the beak of a hummingbird by a hare’s breath’. So much for leaving the viewer free-range to interpret her art in a way that is meaningful for them!

She was saved from her dearth of Barbies by her friend, Jen, who sourced a load more Barbies for free. Oh no. What direction now for Carly? She has made clothes for three Barbies to represent each of the monotheistic religions. She started with Nun Barbie, moved onto Frummer (orthodox Jewish) Barbie and finished with Palestinian Muslim Barbie complete with a hand knitted cardigan and delicately embroidered clothes. Then she moved onto ‘Disco Barbie’ who dances herself silly with 13 silver balls. This was followed by some Rainbow Barbies who were attached to a stiff card with multicoloured glitter glue from a gun and then placed top to toe inside an old wooden tea caddy. And a Barbie who was punch-needled onto a canvas using black yarn to encase her in a ‘multicoloured dream coat’ made from rainbow dyed unspun fleece.

One of her final (well probably not really final!) pieces is possibly Carly’s favourite. Barbie is wearing a short T-shirt dress with ‘Femme and Fierce’ emblazoned on the front. However she is skiing, so Carly knitted her a headband, arm and leg muff to keep her warm. She is on a rainbow slalom run marked behind her with upright tubes of beads placed in a rainbow colour sequence and in front of her with a rainbow ribbon. Instead of skis she has whisks which are drawn by two small pink horses. This piece has a rigid title made with Carly’s trusty labelling machine. ‘Barbie attempts horse-led, kitchen rainbow slalom’. Carly feels, however well she explains this piece, maybe it just needs to be seen…

She is planning to have an exhibition. And she’d like to sell her work. And, of course, she has other ideas too. She’d like to crochet a purple outfit for Ken and a ball dress for Barbie. These will be extended to become their coffins to envelope them. And maybe she could make a retinue of Barbie Teletubbies. BarbiePo, BarbieWinky, BarbieLaa, and BarbieDipsy. The possibilities are endless…

Barbie attempts horse-led, kitchen rainbow slalom

Carly had never had any intention of going to Aegina, Greece. Not even once, let alone twice. Over the years she had seen all the fancy cars coming onto the ferry that was returning her from her marvellous writing and yoga trips in Lemnaradis to the Athens port Piraeus. And on Sunday afternoons there were so many wealthy Athenians returning from their expensive villas, that the ferry ended up stopping for almost an hour to load up all their vehicles. And then she was tight on time and had to get a taxi to the airport rather than using cheaper public transport. She did quite enjoy the spectacle of watching all these cars and some coaches reverse onto the ferry but then she became increasingly anxious as it was really taking an age. She was sure she could rush down there and take over the task of loading up the vehicles in half the time. Never mind she spoke no Greek, and her spatial awareness isn’t up to much. She still believed she would be better than those currently undertaking this activity at, what she felt, was a snail’s pace. Therefore, by association she didn’t like Aegina. But note to self. Just don’t return on a Sunday afternoon in future. 

But she did end up going there. And, of course, she rather liked it. She went once out of necessity and on a second occasion as a trip down memory lane. Every six months for five years, Carly went on a yoga and a partially silent writing retreat. And on her penultimate trip there she was destined to fly out of Athens on 8^th October 2023 on a cheapy airline. But the war had started against Israel the day before, so all flights were suspended apart from El Al (the national carrier) and she was stuck. It is always an interesting situation to have your holiday unexpectedly extended. Carly believes vacations are best planned for the length that suits the individual. Even more so in Lemnaradis as you can choose to go for a few days or several weeks. And Carly always chose one week which is the perfect amount of time to write six stories. Just like this one. And the extra days are for arriving and departing and just plain old thinking. So, Carly really was keen to get back to Israel. But she was stranded. For several days. She received so many messages of condolences about the situation. As well as most of her family, friends and colleagues both in the UK and Israel really trying hard to persuade her to give up on this ridiculous midlife crisis notion of emigrating to what was now a war zone and move back to the UK. She had been an Israeli citizen for only a few weeks. But she remained committed and keen to return to Jaffa, Israel. 

She, by chance, had a hotel room booked for the day in Piraeus, but this really wasn’t a scintillating destination for a few days until El Al could take her home later that week. She spoke to her son Haz and his lovely wife. They were really good at finding solutions. And Hotel Angela in Agia Marina, Aegina seemed to fit the bill. It was inexpensive, as it was off season, offered breakfast within the room rate and had excellent reviews. And there were so many boats to get over there from Piraeus. About 15 each way, every day. Despondent as Carly was, off she went on the boat back to Aegina. What a lovely island. And what a magic gem of a hotel. It was run by a woman and her mother. The owner had one daughter of eight who loved drawing and had a kitten called Blackie. This was a big draw for Carly who giggled about the name of the cat. You could hardly call any animal in the ‘woke’ UK that name nowadays. 

 Carly decides to explore Aegina with a positive mindset. She can do some editing of her Dr Carly videos for her YouTube channel as a break from enjoying this gorgeous island. Her main aim with these videos is to move them from one channel she has, to another. She watches several different videos on how to do this. There are so many helpful people out there making instructional videos on just about anything. It means that you no longer need to keep manuals for any gadgets. You just hop onto YouTube and put it in the search. How to fill up helium balloons. How to open the hood for your car engine. How to cast-on in the round with knitting needles. It is marvellous. Nowadays, companies are onto this and make bespoke versions for all their customers. But try as hard as she could, she was unable to transfer these videos across. She even asks more tech savvy people later and they cannot do it either. In the end, she leaves it for when she returns to Aegina seven months later. By then, the tech felt less scary and, as often the way when things are less urgent, it all works easily. 

To get around Aegina, Carly decides she is going to rent a 50cc scooter for a couple of days. On one of her last family holidays to Mykonos before getting divorced, they tried to do this too. That was five years ago. And the men who lent out the scooters decided neither Carly nor Ades had it in them to scoot about their island. They were deemed incompetent. But Carly wasn’t going to be defeated again. Aegina was less hilly, and she could practise around Agia Marina which was fairly flat. The main issue for Carly is getting the bike back onto its stand. This is about technique and not brute force. She had a good teacher and mastered this. She also learnt how to kick start the engine should the starter motor fail. Which it did quite often. My goodness. Carly just loved travelling around on a scooter. There was such a feeling of thrill with the wind and exploring places that would be tricky on a bus. And way cheaper than taxis. She went to monasteries, churches, shops, remote coasts and had meals in out of the way places. It was a total joy. She could see the attraction of motorbikes. On this small, rather deserted island, riding one felt relatively safe. She got up early and scootered off to see sunrises and returned to base at the approach of darkness. And then Carly remembered a similar experience. When she was in Goa, her son hired a scooter and Carly was on the back. But occasionally he let her drive and was a good teacher. When Boo came to Goa, Carly decided to share a scooter with her. But Boo was a bit unpredictable. As were the men around her. It is fun travelling with grey hair in your 50s. Not so for blond 18-year-old girls. And certainly not on the back of a motorbike with them…

Back to Aegina. Carly is surrounded by all things pistachio. One of her favourite nuts. She buys a bottle of liqueur which is lovely to drink on her balcony with ice. She samples each of the five different pistachio ice-creams. And brings back a jar of pistachio butter. Carly must have ‘pistachio-nutter’ applied as a label to her forehead that is only seen by Greek salesmen.

Carly also finds a few art galleries. She goes into one that is run by a fabulous woman, Previnia, from France. Immediately they hit it off. Previnia has some beautiful gems from her father and Carly buys one of every purple hue. She will add them to her collection. Previnia has recently completed a number of oil paintings of women in local Greek traditional dress. The women she painted were from her own family in France and Carly likes this unusual juxtaposition. She buys a set of large postcards to keep and explain this idea to others. Previnia then has fabric produced based on these designs and makes them up as cushion covers and other items for sale in the shop. “A great marketing idea”, thinks Carly. They get together another evening to have pistachio liqueur. Both for fun and as Carly only has hand luggage, she needed to finish this rather large bottle! 

But chatting with women from completely different and alternative backgrounds is magical for Carly. Despite being in Aegina for rather negative reasons, Carly had a very wholesome and wonderful experience there. And this is particularly so, once she had met the fabulous Previnia.  And for this reason, when she returned to Lemnaradis the following spring, she thought she would trip down memory lane and return to the same hotel, in the same town on the same island after her yoga and writing retreat. She took out a scooter again and went off to Moni Island. This special place is overrun with peacocks and deer. It has an odd juxtaposition between some beautiful beaches, windswept fir trees with wildlife dancing amongst them and a load of burnt tourists on sunbeds around an English pub.But the previous time she went to Aegina it was off season and slowing down for the winter. This time it was high season and kicking off for the summer. It seemed everyone was either in couples or with friends. Carly felt truly lonely. She contacted Previnia who had no time to see her and had probably forgotten who she was. Poor Carly. She is not good at feeling lonely. Yes, she is happy to be alone and manage solitude and its multifarious benefits but not for a long time. But she cannot manage being lonely. And, also, she thinks she isn’t very forgettable. But clearly, she was to Previnia. “Hey ho”, Carly deliberates sadly. No more going back to romantic resorts alone with notions of faux friendships.