How Time Goes Faster As You Get Older.blog

I bought a pregnant Barbie in Akko but didn’t as yet have a project for her. Whilst musing in my training session with Miri, I realised I could cover her in purple flower stickers on her nude body and take her round and photograph her at the organic farm where Tova and I got a weekly box delivery. But because of the war they did not open and I used Chat GPT to suggest an alternative outing. We went to Nes Ziona (about 30 minutes outside TLV) and spent a very enjoyable couple of hours with no sirens on a lovely sunny but not too hot day. Then we went off in search of food and found a haven for coeliacs, lunch and a siren!

Some friends said she looked more like she had malnutrition as she had a swollen belly and such thin limbs. So I changed her name. She can be pregnant in another project.

Kwashiorkor Barbie visits the Nes Ziona National Park

Three nature shots

Kwashiorkor Barbie in the coeliac shop

Kwashiorkor Barbie in the flowers in the roundabout in Nes Ziona

Carly is rather bemused that she can write two stories back-to-back about dating. It is not as though she is a floozy. Or, that she has even been out with that many men. Or that was her sole raison d’être for coming to live in Israel, despite what her family and friends in the UK think. She has, for sure, made a real stab at it. The whole experience has been illuminating and, for the most part, fun. But wholly unsuccessful. She wonders if the war has helped her improve her dating. Certainly, during Covid times dating was easier than at other times. She thinks people are desperate to make connections and communicate with others in any way they can when times are hard. This time it is between running to shelters to hide from falling shrapnel from missiles. Previously, it was to maintain tight bubbles and to wear masks to reduce the spread of a virus. Carly knows any day which danger she would prefer. Bubbles and masks were the bane of her life, and she didn’t really do either fully or, if truth be told, even at all. And now when she sees people wearing masks, she sighs a little sigh, as she feels so sorry for these misguided people. Her brother told her the only protection it affords is to stop the wearer transmitting the virus. He says it with total conviction, as he always does. But he can be wrong! And, as Carly has not had a fever, and therefore, a viral infection for over seven years, she feels she really doesn’t need to wear them. Enough of masks…

Carly has been very open about introductions. She has let it be known that from the get-go she isn’t concerned how she meets someone, and this was a way that has always worked in the past. First there was a man from Ramat Gan who was a quantity surveyor. This was through a medical colleague. He had been divorced for years. And had stopped seeing his son recently – oh no – red flag. But he was by way of a personal introduction, so Carly decided to continue to see him. However, it then became clear he had never cooked a single meal for himself since his divorce many years ago. And his idea of a fun date was to drag Carly to Ashqelon where he had to deliver a surveyor’s report for damage caused by shrapnel. This was going to take a while and might be quite acrimonious, so Carly, avoidant of confrontation at all times, went off to take a tour around the town centre. She wishes she hadn’t. What a dump. When they reconvened, he hadn’t even found the person who needed the report. They were in the car driving off when said customer phoned him and Carly still had to witness the argy-bargy between her date and the customer about the report content’s. They went to eat in a deserted fish restaurant on the beach. But all in all, this was not the man for her. The other introduction was Zadok (as in the high priest). Carly found him very attractive and the conversation flowed well. He seemed to be on a path of self-discovery and was off the next day to meditate for a month in Costa Rica, having sold his paint factory. This seemed like a journey from the sublime to the ridiculous. She wasn’t sure which end was which. But he told her he didn’t feel there was a spark. Carly was rather dismayed and remonstrated with herself, “We are in our later middle life, and surely no one expects butterflies and love at first sight anymore,”. And Carly thinks she is quite attractive. And her friends have told her this too and not to lower her expectations. But clearly, she was not deemed gorgeous enough to this high priest. Even the friend, who she’d met at her workout class, and arranged the introduction, was upset about this. 

There were some short flings with men she’d met on dating apps. Mosh was a lovely local guy. Her dog adored him, and he was a great masseuse. But clearly there was a family issue about commitment as neither he nor his four siblings had ever been in long-term relationships and none of them had children. “What had gone on in their childhood?” mused Carly. And he smoked so that was always going to be a non-starter. There was Eilan who just wanted to use her car parking space. And Arik who bored her senseless with prolonged video calls showing off the amazing property he looked after. There was Itzik who was always on his phone. Udi who was a little bit religious and wanted Carly to play a psychological game with him so they could get to know each other better. Carly felt she was undertaking some sort of test. And she failed as he ended the relationship citing yet again, he wasn’t attracted to her. Harrumph.

And then there were some non-dates. Ethan had met Carly on two different dating apps. He was young and attractive and lived in America. Carly kept him on the back burner as she had no intention of going to the States. She told him she would be in London all summer and he insisted he’d fly over for the weekend. They hadn’t even talked on the phone. He has once previously tried to impress her with how rich he was but that wasn’t a big draw for Carly. Just before he was due to fly over, he petitioned Carly to accept a parcel in the UK for him. He just couldn’t get there in time for it to arrive from Dublin. Immediately, Carly was suspicious. What was in it and why would she receive it for him? He told her $350,000 was in the package. So clearly either cash, drugs, or gold bullion. Carly said a firm no, even when he continually pushed her to receive it. She could not believe she had been scammed. And who doesn’t get on a flight to the UK from the USA for such a large sum of money? She then blocked Ethan and reported him to both dating app sites. Phew. Lucky escape. Carly couldn’t believe how long she had carried on communicating with him. She consoled herself that people, including her, are always looking for love.

One particularly bad dating app episode had led her to look at another way to date. Lani was a slightly older, but nonetheless good-looking bloke. They arranged to meet by one of her favourite cafes in Jaffa. She set off with Talulah as her safety blanket, and he then kept calling her. Firstly, she had chosen a spot where there was no free parking. Secondly, he couldn’t even stop to meet Carly as the police kept trying to move him on. When they finally met up, he tried to insist on her coming into his car. She firmly declined and told him about the large car park next to their meeting place. He parked and returned to meet Carly but was clearly rather upset and told her categorically that the way she treated him was unacceptable. She knew he was in a car, and they should have met by Café Alma which had free parking nearby. He proceeded to give her a lecture on how she should be much more considerate of others if she wants to be in a long-term relationship. He then calmed down and asked if she wanted to meet him again. Carly shook her head decisively. He asked whether she found him handsome. She told him he was, but being told off, before even starting a relationship didn’t bode well for the future. Off he went in a huff. 

So, Carly thought she should try her hand at speed dating. She found one for people from 55 to 65. And she signed up. Well, she would have done had her credit card not been declined. The bank called her but only spoke in Hebrew. She ran into the nearest shop asking for some translating help. Only the woman on the till offered to help. The bank wanted to know if Carly had signed up for speed dating. By then the whole shop knew what was going on and it became a huge joke. It was embarrassing as she was asked to verify her spending history where she normally shopped. Oh dear. She told them it was the grocery competitor across the street. Carly laughed about it and the payment went through. When she turned up at the event where she was told she was lucky to get a place, there were only half the number of people that had signed up because of the rain. It meant the whole experience couldn’t be dragged out for too long. Most men spoke limited English or were way above 65. She did meet two lovely men, and it restored her faith, albeit temporarily, in dating Israeli men. She went out for a wonderful Mexican meal with Yossi who was ever the gentleman and paid. Carly was a bit put off by Yossi having a four-year-old son.  He was a bit put off by the lack of kissing as it was still raining and Carly was freezing cold. So that was that. 

Later, she met the other man, Kobi. He was super nice, friendly and lovely but was clearly already in a relationship and had been persuaded to come to the dating event without paying to make up the numbers on the male side!

Carly was not having much luck in love, but she will continue to look with some focus but not in extremis. It can be so overwhelming and soul-destroying. Poor Carly. But she will pick herself up. She always does!

Like most people, Carly has a number of different ways to become inspired. She used to think she could only really do this when away on holiday. For sure it helps with partially silent writing retreats. That means she just has to get on with the business of writing, as that is how these holidays are billed. But she usually starts with some rituals to get the creativity going. She chooses three angel cards and writes about them. For instance, the three words might be gratitude, knowledge and power. She interprets them in her own personal freestyle, but also, using the official meaning the accompanying explanatory booklet provides. Then she moves on to play a game of patience with real playing cards. She will often light scented tealights as these help too. For the last few years, when on holiday, she uses handmade A5 card to make 2D dreamcatcher pictures. She has made several hundred, and once photographed and uploaded to her blog, she sets about giving them away. They are always based loosely around the colour purple and often have buttons or beads as well as bits of nature encased in embroidery thread. They don’t take long to make, and people always take one when offered. It fills her with a lot of joy to think of her purple offerings all around the world. 

When she visits her friends in Limoges, she squirrels herself away in their workshop, which is full of fabulous sewing machines including a Sashiko machine. This does an elegant running stitch. She often doesn’t plan exactly what she will do, but for sure she loves to use this machine. But she must be very careful as a needle alone costs €500! And Carly is a supreme klutz. She wonders if she has dyspraxia. She certainly drops and breaks a lot of items. She always thought it was because she was rushing around hither and thither, but maybe not. Whilst there, she recently learnt how to make patchwork woodwork. This was really fabulous. It houses all her keys and hangs up by her front door. She has put together all these lilac blocks which are glued and embroidered together. She has decorated it with old keys and steampunk clock parts. And, of course, lots of hooks for keys. And, hey presto, now she never loses them!

For a very long time, Carly felt she needed the distance and permission granted by being on holiday to get going. But that wasn’t really the point of moving to Israel in her late 50s and not working there. During regular training sessions with the marvellous Miri, she can let her mind wander and freely associate. This gives her the ideas behind her projects. She then needs to have some time. If she tries to allocate a whole day this becomes overwhelming. And she needs to her steps, have her second coffee, deal with one totally annoying Israeli bureaucratic issue. So just a few hours clear of what her daughter Boo calls Admin Nonsense she can get going on her imaginative projects. Often, she has more than one project on the go at a time. But that is fine. It makes more sense to get out her glue gun and get busy on a variety of things. She feels that being in a state of contentment really helps. When she is angry, she doesn’t feel she can be productive. She wants to have the right level of energy, her mojo activated, but for her to also be somewhat serene too. 

Often, Carly is inspired on the back of something completely unexpected. She was recently sent a video of how some family in England had made completely over-the-top preparations for Passover using foil to cover absolutely everything – the walls, the floors, the ceiling and all the appliances. The video was farcical and hilarious. The tradition is to completely change over all sets of crockery and cutlery, which is like a massive spring clean and a lot of hard graft. Carly remembers fondly when she did this. However, most people only have one oven, fridge and larder. So, it is usual to give these items a good clean and there are various rules about what you do. For instance, to enable the microwave to be used over Passover, you just need to heat up one glass of water at maximum power for one minute. But for the oven, and especially the gas hob you need to cover them in tin (aluminium) foil. Some do it very delicately whilst others are rather ham-fisted. This is rather a fun word to include (ham) when describing a method for obeying a Jewish rule!

 And whilst Carly certainly could undertake this task with care and precision, she felt it really was a waste of her precious time. Her method was as speedy as humanly possible, but at the end of Passover, certainly the foil had pretty much disintegrated. Hey ho. On this video, sent to many people a family had covered the entire surface of the kitchen with foil. The chairs and tables and fridge and oven and microwave and drawers and every single surface. It was making a funny point and Carly had been wondering what to do with her five voodoo Barbies and now an idea came to fruition. She would make them live in a home that was made completely kosher for Passover. She had recently been to the Tel Aviv Museum of Art and for not too much money had picked up a set of doll’s furniture for four rooms. All flat-pack as if they were from a mini-IKEA, the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen, the bedroom. They would be about the right size for her collection of these five small dolls Tracey had kindly brought her from South Africa. There is nothing Barbie about them at all. But Carly doesn’t really care about that. She can designate them as she sees fit. After all, she renamed Princess Peach as Pez Barbie. She hopes Meital, who make Barbie, don’t sue her. But she is small fry, and Carly is hopeful they have their eyes on the big guns. Like Donald Trump and King Charles. She is not (unfortunately) in that league!

Then there was the small matter of the spray paint. She went to her local art supply shop for those who indulge in street art and graffiti. Silver is the most popular colour and almost invariably out of stock. Don’t other customers realise that Carly is now in a panic? She cannot spray the whole art piece gold. It would look tacky and have nothing to do with Passover. In the end, she found it in a garage. She can never really understand in such a vibrant country as Israel why all the cars are monochrome. White, silver and black. Ho hum. How very dull. She recently went with Debby, who was buying a new car, and she settled for pillar-box red. Thank goodness Carly has friends, who are bucking the trend. So, she was ready to start. She assembled all the doll’s furniture and sprayed them all silver as well as the canvas she had found on the street. She used her glue gun to attach all the items in each room on the canvas. She kept them roughly in four quarters according to each room. And made all the textile accessories like rugs, bathroom mats and table runners out of tin foil. The next design issue to plague Carly was whether she should stick them on the canvas as if they were on the floor or perpendicular and coming out towards the viewer. She compromised and stuck them randomly. And being a person of haste and poor planning, she had put the picture string at the bottom of the picture, but that was easily rectifiable. She also glued the five dolls in place. One in the bath, one at the dressing table, one in the bed, one at the dining room table and one popping out of the kitchen sink. Carly showed restraint and didn’t put one either in or on the toilet. She is rather pleased with her ability to contain her exuberance. She is rather delighted with the end result, although items do sometimes fall off. But Carly whips out the glue gun and gets busy sticking. Besides her labelling, sewing and knitting machines, her glue gun is utilised very regularly. Recently, she found coloured glue sticks. One set were opaque and the other set glittery and transparent. Oooooh, so much joy from something quite simple!

The one thing that she will always tackle almost immediately is mending. She just loves this. She is the mender for all her friends. Some are much clumsier than others and repeatedly rip their clothes. She is happy to alter clothes to fit her friends. But this is only possible if they have actively lost weight or shrunk with old age. Her favourite thing is to repurpose clothes. And this has given her carte blanche to give items a new lease of life. And, if they don’t like it, they tend not to say. She only really knows her mends have been successful if she sees her friends wearing them. It does mean these friends do think she must be the repository for all their unwanted but previously loved fabrics. She tries to say no to the truely ghastly ones. Sarabeth gave her some really old and worn-out tapestry which Carly was unlikely to ever use. But then Carly suggested she make some cushion covers for Sarabeth out of the material. She was delighted with them and commissioned loads more. Now the fabric is all used up and so everyone is happy. 

Carly’s friends wanted her to turn her mending into a business – Carly’s recreations. But Carly just likes mending for friends. She is, however, setting up a Jaffa Port Repair Café. This is only second one in Israel, and it will be fun to be part of a large international foundation. Carly can then mend items every month for total strangers who will, hopefully, in turn, become friends.

Carly loves to recall to anyone who will listen how she came to be Tova’s friend. As Israeli bureaucracy is so dire, Carly will only set herself the task of dealing with one issue involving forms or government offices a day. Otherwise, she might well top herself. And having got to 60 and being relatively healthy and financially secure, that seems like a shame. So instead, she limits herself to doing one dire thing every day. There is always the morning walk around Park Midron with her dog Talulah listening to podcasts. Her favourite ones are true crime. She thinks she should add other genres to this list. But it only extends to cults which often end with some horrific incident. So, back to true crime again. So, she is better off saying that she only listens to this true-crime genre. And, as podcasts are a way for her to learn and be curious about the world, this limitation will have to suffice. Anyway. Back to officialdom. One day, Carly ventures to the post office which is well known for probably being the most dire of all Israeli institutions. As predicted, she came out crying and planned to hot foot it back home. On the way, she passed a curiously named coffee shop in the Greek Market. She didn’t know what TFWC stood for. Most people, and especially those with dyslexia, think it stands for “What the Fuck Coffee”. But that means they have switched around the letters. The owner, Lior, told her it was the abbreviation of The Fourth Wave Coffee. In fact, Carly went to a lecture with Lev all about coffee, so she knows exactly what it is referring to! 

First wave – instant like Nescafé

Second wave – places like Costa and Starbucks

Third wave – the independent places which have a Scandinavian feel

Fourth wave – like the third wave but with coffee from a single grower – a bit like malt whisky. 

In she stumbled, feeling very forlorn and immediately got chatting to Tova, an American. They became fast friends. Carly asked her new friend what hobbies she had, hoping it would include knitting and crochet, but surprisingly Tova told her about stand-up paddleboarding. So, Carly signed up and regularly falls off but is getting steadily better. Actually, she is just getting less worse! The healthcare organisation that Carly is a member of encourages sports activities to promote healthy living. They heavily subsidise Carly’s new pastime, making it a real draw for Carly. Very recently, Carly took Talulah in her pink mermaid doggy buoyancy aid to accompany her paddleboarding. And Tova insisted on taking Talulah on her board. This worked for everyone. When they were doing Shavasana (a restful yoga pose) – lying down on the board with toes and fingers dipping in the sea – Talulah clambered back on Carly’s board and laid down with her head on her Carly’s leg. Very cute and super relaxing. Until she heard her name being boomed out by a man in the sea. Maybe he was calling another Carly. But when she didn’t get up from her quiet reverie, he shouted Carly Simons repeatedly. So, she knew he meant her. She often breaks into song (Carly Simons’ “You’re so vain, I bet you think this song is about you”). And Carly stood up too fast onto the paddleboard. And guess what – she and Talulah fell straight into the sea! He was a good friend’s husband whose name was unpronounceable, so she replied laughing between gulps of water – “Oh hello, Richard” which wasn’t his name at all. Like hers wasn’t Carly Simons! Touché!!! 

Carly is delighted that Tova introduced her to paddleboarding. She goes once a week if she can and has met a number of other lovely people. She particularly likes the high-energy owner Lindy-Lu. They vibe nicely with each other, and Lindy-Lu has often commented on how helpful Carly is with offering to push the wagon cart with the boards and paddles. It is nice, thinks Carly, to be commended on being kind. In the winter, Carly will often borrow a half-wetsuit. These garments always seem to come with ridiculous inserts to enlarge/enhance one’s breasts. For sure, Carly doesn’t need them. She has enormous (although previously even more so) bazookas. With Lindy-Lu’s permission, she removed the inserts and took them home. “Hmmmmmmmmmm,” thinks Carly, they look like kippot (skull caps). And then Carly got carried away and decorated them with puff paints, so they looked like swirls of fire. Before returning them as a gift to Lindy-Lu, who has two boys, she took them all over Jaffa and photographed them in weird and wonderful places. Ezeh Kef (what fun in Hebrew). Carly is very keen to demonstrate she does know some Hebrew. But it is limited to nouns and verbs connected to her dog. 

When not paddleboarding together, Tova and Carly go off on adventures. They spent one Sunday morning in Shuk Hatikvah. This is a market in a rather downtown part of Tel Aviv near the train station. Everything was really fresh and super cheap. Carly ran around photographing one of her Barbies and then bought lots of meat. She was surprised that liver was cheaper than stomach. And then she found out what she thought was stomach was in fact heart. Jo-Jo, Boo’s boyfriend, pointed this out when they went out for a gourmet barbeque meal. He was rather surprised as the “stomach” organ had 4 vessels coming off it and Carly had studied medicine, admittedly a while back. The chicken’s heart was just a bit smaller and still had four chambers. Silly Carly.

Tova and Carly have a lovely Friday Night Dinner (FND) ritual. Carly has always been keen to sort out FND invites way ahead of time. This is not how it is done in Israel, where invitations are all rather last minute. But Carly cannot live with this fear of rejection and ensuing loneliness. She organises FNDs in advance and must reject any that come in on the day! Carly and Tova probably have FNDs together once a month. Always at Tova’s. This is what happens. Sometimes, especially in the winter, Carly goes to Shul in Noga. Only for 20 minutes. To sing and dance. Once the Rabbi gets up to give his sermon, she beats a hasty retreat. Tova and Carly head off for a glass of wine each and a small plate of cheese at Hagefen Wine Courtyard. They return to cook soup. And use the napkins that Carly made for Tova – white with purple handblocked elephants. Carly loves this special routine they have. It is intimate and cosy and there are always a lot laughs. And don’t worry. Tova does come to Carly for FNDs but usually when lots of people are coming and it is more of a potluck situation. 

For a long while, Tova has signed up to a weekly delivery of an organic veggie box. But it became overwhelming, so she asked Carly to split it. Tova deals with the Hebrew website and Carly comes over to collect what she rather fancies and knows what Tova doesn’t want. Carly has learnt to be creative with some of the veggies. She makes beetroot into cake, dices kohlrabi with lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper as a healthy snack and grills cabbage in a variety of different ways. When faced with too many veggies, she puts them in Talulah’s food. But she really cannot feed her hound cucumber or lettuce. So, she has experimented and offered all manner of things for Tova to try. Tzatziki has worked well for excess cucumber, although there were complaints that it was too garlicky. “How can this ever be,” muses Carly? Another was cucumber soup. Carly doesn’t really have a very discerning palate and, even though it was an outright no from Tova, Carly thought it was ok. Perhaps a bit meh. Grilled lettuce was sort of successful but probably only as a one-off. The Indian spicy lettuce soup fared better. Tova cannot complain that at least Carly is trying to be original with these veggies. But still the box was overwhelming. They decided to switch over to a fruit box once a month. This had some very tough oranges, boring apples, weird loquats and avocados. Now Carly knows that tomatoes are fruit, although not to be included in a fruit salad, but avocados? She really isn’t sure why they are in this box. Carly has a cousin who absolutely, totally loves avocados. For his 50^th birthday, his wife cooked him a meal where every dish, in every course, was based on avocado, including ice-cream for dessert. But still avocado? Can it be designated as a fruit? “Uh uh,” thinks Carly as she shakes her head. Still, Tova is overwhelmed by all these veggies. Going forward, Carly will come over and cut everything exactly in half. And they will see how this new scheme goes. If unsuccessful, the veggie box scheme will be consigned to the history books. Pooooooooof.

As for payment. Carly transfers Tova the money on the ‘Bit’ app. But not the actual correct amount. As Carly feels sorry for prime numbers, she only transfers amounts that are slightly above or below the correct figure. And tries hard to put in a silly word in the subject line to make Tova giggle. She is not sure if Tova does giggle at this as she isn’t with her when she sees the payment. But, for certain, Tova is one of the cleverest people Carly has met. Especially for an American!

Carly has always had breakfast. As a child, this was non-negotiable. She has a very poor memory, so has no idea what she ate as a child, but as an adolescent she loved to cook a quick type of porridge called Readibrek. Mostly because she liked the adverts on television about this product. There were kids venturing in their dark clothes in a cold village in rural England with a warm orange glow around them because they ate Readibrek. A bit like a fuzzy halo but all over their bodies and it kept them warm, and sustained all the way to school, and well into the late morning!

Carly knew this was all drivel. She would never be seen by anyone as a kid in dark clothes in a rural English village. No, she went to school in a burgundy uniform with a red and white striped tie on the tube from Finchley Central to Moorgate. And every day she passed a mirror on the way out of the house and there was no hint of a halo in any shape or colour. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. As microwaves had not yet been invented, cooking porridge always made the saucepan sticky and tricky to clean by hand. At least dishwashers had been invented. Phew! 

Carly was always drawn to breakfast as her most favourite meal. It could be sweet, or savoury, or a mix of both. And as Carly has a real issue with boredom, there could be a lot of variety with small portion sizes. At lunch and supper there was always one plate with no more than three different elements. Protein, greens and a carb. A meal with not a lot of variety. And the entire meal had to be finished. Well, certainly that was the case, when growing up.

Breakfast could be more, shall we say, entrepreneurial. And since she has been a committed and devoted coffee addict for over 30 years, this has played a central role in her first meal of the day. A sort of ritual, as she nearly always goes out in the morning, for at least one coffee from a Fourth Wave Coffee institution. One of those independent places, with exposed brickwork, hopefully comfy sofas and lots of wood. Preferably with great staff. And breakfast must fit in either side, depending on how her day is looking. Certainly, food must be after early morning exercise. Coffee has more fluid rules. 

During the pandemic, Carly decided to embark on an online personal development programme called Life Book. It was supposed to take six weeks and even though Carly is a completer/finisher and pretty speedy at most things, it took her double the amount of time. And work wasn’t busy, as no kids caught any bugs. She works in a hospital as a paediatrician, and early in lockdown didn’t have much to do. She thought about why she took so much longer to complete this course than advertised. Especially as she is designated as a hurry up person rather than the others in the ‘Authentic Talent’ leadership model. There are five sorts of people. The people pleasers, the try harder types, the be strong guys, and those who try to attain perfection. Of course, all these types are not mutually exclusive, but you do lean towards one of these five types. And Carly’s was full on hurry up type.

In the Life Book programme, the first category of the twelve units was nutrition and fitness. It seemed to Carly quite a large one to cover and make meaningful and lasting changes in half a week! However, when Carly looks back with her retrospectoscope, she can see she did make some permanent changes. Jon and Missy Butcher designed and ran the programme. They appeared outwardly as this splendid couple but claimed they had been through hard graft to get there. They recommended a green smoothie for breakfast and some form of cardio exercise every day. Carly has been religiously adhering to both. She prepares a flask of oats, milk, yogurt, frozen spinach, half a banana and a date, to be liquidized with a blender and drunk over two days. It is too much effort to be done daily, and any longer, the smoothie starts to taste fizzy. Carly always felt it was best to use as many fresh and organic ingredients as possible. But spinach sold in frozen cubes is way cheaper and so much more convenient. 

Probably the best breakfasts in the world are the ones in hotels in Tel Aviv. Almost to the point of being overwhelmed, but as Carly lives there, she goes oh so rarely and so she can enjoy the treat of the most amazing spread. It is like a culinary exhibition from all over the world. It is always served buffet style. This means it is not only not very relaxing as all the guests are marching back and forth to fill up, but also so very difficult to moderate the quantity you bring back to your table. Well, maybe Carly is just much worse at this, as she has no breakfast food filter. Yes, some aspects of her personality do need work. Greed is not an attractive trait, thinks Carly. However, she can maintain a reasonable weight without resorting to Ozempic like so many people she knows!

Her favourite holiday breakfast is in Lemnaradis as it is during the silent period. This is where she attends a yoga and writing retreat, and there is enforced silence until lunchtime. She cannot make a green smoothie for herself but nonetheless has a ritual she enjoys and comes back to each time she returns to this haven she has found in Greece. Half a piece of bread, toasted. Some butter is then applied, a few very thin slices of hard yellow cheese and a bit of homemade marmalade. Recently, she tried orange bergamot! Then she spoons into a smallish bowl a large dollop of Greek yogurt with fruit salad. But it needs something to sweeten it. Usually honey. This last time she bought a pot of a sublime white chocolate paste with hazelnuts, almonds and a hint of coffee. Then onto the coffee. She heats the small cafetiere and then adds some fresh-ground coffee. She heats up the milk in the microwave and adds a spoon of sugar. She whisks it by hand as fast as possible so that it looks frothy like a cappuccino. One of the things she loves about Lemnaradis is that there are lots of different crockery and cutlery to choose from. One day she might want a want a pale blue mug and the next a shiny royal blue one with a totally different shape. This has led her to letting her guests choose, when coming to her for a meal, their cups or glasses for wine and other beverages. Unfortunately, she only has a limited supply of plates, bowls and cutlery to extend this choice offered to her guests beyond fluid receptacles. But Carly is amazed how people at the same meal chose different vessels and designate each one for wine or water. Bizarre but fun!

Recently she had breakfast with her German friends. This always has to involve alcohol irrespective of the time of day and playing a board game. Carly prepared mimosas with orange juice she squeezed herself. She tried to find windfalls from the orange trees in her road, and fizzy white wine instead of real deal champagne. They brought most of the food as they are quite particular about the bread and cheese to be consumed. They played a terrible game. They nearly always are! It was Famous Women Bingo. No skill whatsoever involved but after every woman was called, the caller had to read out information about her. Which was educational and maybe fun, but no talent required!

Carly likes to read mindfulness magazines. All sorts of activities seem to appeal to Carly. She would like to join an adult Lego group and take her dog to agility classes, where Carly gets to run around, and Talulah jumps through hoops and over obstacles. One thing that she found out about was getting a wellness coach. For nutrition and exercise. Carly felt she had nailed breakfast so that was pretty healthy. But lunch needed more work. At her work, she asked for a coach and voilà, she was introduced to Louis Larche who had just started at her hospital and so was bright-eyed and bushy tailed. They worked on goals together. She found out that walking upstairs and uphill fast counts as cardio. Tick that one off. And soups are a great way to go for increasing veggie intake. Her most abiding memory was him holding up a banana. It wasn’t overly ripe as Carly doesn’t like them when they are yellow with brown spots. He picked it up and went with this scenario. You are nearing the end of your meal. If you think you could now eat a whole banana, in addition then for sure, carry on eating. But if not, STOP! Carly brings this image of this perfect banana (just this side of a bit green) to mind and considers whether she is sated.

One of Carly’s big bugbears about breakfast is the number of people who don’t eat it. They get hangry (hungry and angry) and then eat too much later in the morning. It is a particular problem for obese adolescents who make up a significant proportion of the children she sees. Besides the parents giving them enormous portion sizes, free range of snacks, they also do not insist on the most important meal of the day – breakfast. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Not long after moving to Jaffa, Bobbin came to live with Carly and Talulah. She was an adolescent cat from Carly’s good friend Ayala. She’d been placed with a family with a dog who just barked all day long at her. But Talulah had been brought up with elderly cats and knew her place. Firmly at the bottom of the pile. Bobbin was pretty smart but did spend a lot of time hissing particularly at the dog and quite often at Carly. But Carly is an inveterate cat lover and so persevered. Several months later she got a kitten from The Society of Protection of Cruelty to Animals. Moses was quite something else. He completely adored Talulah, and they would often be seen lying side by side on the bed and sofa and chase around the apartment. 

Carly’s son and daughter-in-law had bought a lovely sign for her apartment. It said Carly and Talulah in Hebrew and was by her front door. Carly added one that said, “and also Bobbin” and finally another one, “and in addition Moses”. The signs looked very smart and professional; no-one could claim ignorance of her pets’ names when they came around. 

But Moses did have a thing about the cat box, and his specialty was bursting out of it. The final time Carly used it with him she rendered it fool-proof with lots of bungee elastics to secure it in all three axes (x, y and z). Over the summer, when Carly was away in London, Isaac looked after all the animals. He confessed one day to Carly he was sure that Moses was pregnant. He claimed Moses’ belly had become very swollen over a matter of a few weeks and his nipples were enlarged. But Carly knew that not only had Moses been spayed but for sure he was male. Essentially, Moses had complained to Isaac that he was very hungry, and he ate far too much and with such gusto, he became fat very quickly. The perceived prominence of his nipples was just part of his rapid girth expansion. This meant Carly had to put Moses on a strict diet. He was NOT happy about this. Much later, well after weight gain and subsequent loss, one day he left. Carly was so sad. He was the best cat she had ever had. She just hoped he had found another family.

A few months went by and her old friend, Simeon, from London, was looking to rehome his three cats. He wanted one adopted, one fostered and one didn’t know. Simeon told her that Wendy was a three-legged cat who was horrid. Well, “no thanks,” muttered Carly. Then there was Willow who Simeon adored and eventually wanted back but Carly isn’t in the business of fostering cats. Too much emotion involved there. But Simeon did offer her Prince Harry. Really, she should change the name. If she called him Prince Moses, she could probably keep the door sign, and she did have a son called Harry. However, she had recently read that cats do know their names, and he was a ginger tom, and so Prince Harry was a good name. Well, good enough to keep. She would just have to shell out for a new door sign. Simeon, like many cat owners, liked to leave food out all the time. This meant Prince Harry was obese and this wasn’t going to work for Carly. He needed to be able to fit under the garage door and out of the grills in her window to access the outside. So, she fed him separately from Bobbin so he wouldn’t steal her food as she was a slow coach, and he was a demon speed eater. 

Occasionally, Carly forgot all about him, but he let her know it was time to be allowed out of his eating room. He would meow like mad and stand on his back legs scratching the door repeatedly. 

He settled in quickly and made good friends with Talulah. They matched in colour and temperament. Both were high energy and believed they were dogs. Obviously, one was! He became friends with Clive (a partially ginger tom from next door) but not with Bobbin who continued to hiss at him and every other animals. Carly had been given some coloured hair conditioner by her friend Tova. This meant that Carly and Talulah and Prince Harry all had orangey-red hair/fur. This inspired Tamar (a friend and professional photographer) to take pictures of all three of these similarly coloured creatures! But it is one thing to take photos of children. Pets are quite another. Much, much harder. But Tamar is a keen and committed expert photographer. Carly wore a variety of red dresses, and the photographs Tamar took were joyous. 

Once he walked quite far with Carly and Talulah when they were on their way to the beach. He had crossed Yefet which is a busy main road. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. So, she had to circle back. And stop the traffic on Yefet. Which was just about possible, except the cat, still really being a cat, decided that now was not the time he wanted to cross. He looked like he was shrugging his shoulder and telling Carly “Whatevs”. Luckily, he eventually did. 

Prince Harry loved to go up and down the street telling anyone who would listen that he was not fed at all and was absolutely starving. One day Carly met Tal who showed her how he gave the cat a tin twice a day. Carly explained that he must desist, and she went home to work out how to tell people not to feed him. She’d bought an engraving kit but not really used it. But now she had an idea. She bought three plain tags from the pet shop and on one side engraved her mobile number and on the other as clearly as she could engraved “Do NOT feed me”. She bought three quick release cat collars as he was a rascal and could get stuck up a tree. This way he was less likely to strangle himself. 

Prince Harry thought himself rather fetching in his new collar with its personalised tag. He spent time in local coffee shops. Carly would pick him up on the way back for supper time. The owner from one of the cafes told Carly that the dog owners weren’t happy about Prince Harry’s presence. Carly apologised and then told the owner he would need to speak to the cat himself directly, shrugged and walked home with the cat in tow. Prince Harry and the dog would run up the street jumping over each other until they arrived at the door. 

Then the messages started. Or random phone calls. Prince Harry would be keen to sit around in air-conditioned shops. Particular favourites were the furniture shop as their beds were very comfy, in clothes shops under the lovely drapey dresses and at the gym where he could ogle at all these mad humans getting themselves in a lather and sweating whilst he lay down and had a rest. Mostly people called because they were worried about him. Mostly Carly was worried in case they might feed him. But it was clear to all those he met, he was loved and ‘owned’ as he had a collar. At night Carly would remove it as the shops were shut, and he could roam around incognito as cats are prone to do.

One particular woman was very concerned about Prince Harry’s safety. She wrote extremely long text messages. Initially, she was quite kind and considerate. He’s so sweet and such a little prince, and he loves being around people — it honestly upsets me personally when people try to chase him away. You don’t need to thank me. What matters to me is the well-being of the kitten — of all of them, but especially this one. It’s clear he doesn’t really know how to manage on the street. People drive fast here — cars, motorcycles, and so on — and I don’t want this whole story to end in tragedy. Then she became more strident. He’s too curious, too trusting of people, and clearly not adapted to street life. So either take responsibility for him, or find him a home where someone will. And finally laid on the guilt about how Carly was not a competent cat owner. I honestly just want the best for these little ones. And he’s such a prince. I picked him up yesterday and hugged him — he’s amazing and starving for affection. I wish I could adopt him too… He has the most perfect personality. He loves people, loves being held…And sadly, in our world, that kind of nature — just looking for someone to be near — can be really dangerous. He’s just a little baby…But the area around here isn’t the safest for him. When he wanders between cars, I get full-on panic attacks and find myself stopping cars, scooters, and motorcycles just to help him cross safely.

As Carly was away, she told the people looking after her animals to keep the cats inside during the day and this seemed to do the trick. Once Carly returned, Prince Harry took to the streets. His favourite haunt was a local pasta place. On two nights in a row, they had to call Carly to collect him. The café staff felt some customers might not like to see a ginger tom marching around the kitchen! But they did feel bad to ask Carly to collect him as they dearly loved him. However, Carly didn’t mind in the least collecting him. She went with Talulah and the two orangey-red animals happily skipped back home.

Carly isn’t sure how long she has had Netflix or nor why she still pays for it for her family. All her kids are adults invariably well-paid jobs and really should be paying for it themselves. Sometimes she gets really annoyed, and just for the hell of it changes the password. She then measures how long it is before they all begin messaging her and petitioning her for this golden password. But the cost for a family or an individual is pretty similar, so really she will carry on for the moment. 

Some of the things she has watched recently have been very helpful for her career. She thinks that they are fine to use as CPD (continuing professional development) points. Firstly, there was a short miniseries, Adolescence, shot over an hour for each one about a teenage boy who had murdered a fellow school student. She watched this with a colleague in Podgorica, Montenegro, where they had gone for a jolly. Shame, not only did it rain ALL THE TIME; but they were staying in a place so ugly it made Milton Keynes look like the UK premier holiday destination. This series all hinged on social media. Carly learnt all about incels and the 80/20 rule where 80% of women only like 20% of men. And so that leaves the other 80% of the men out in the cold and estranged from love. It seemed a bit harsh. Carly typed up notes so that she could provide evidence that this series really was educational for her and her colleague.

And then Carly thinks about herself. She is still steadfastly single despite being on dating apps and trying oh so very hard to meet someone. She looks at all these couples going about the place. So many of the women are beyond ugly and they have ensnared a man. Maybe these women look like their partner’s mother and so these men see beauty where Carly feels there is none. Really, she just shouldn’t be so bitter, and this 80/20 rule should leave even more men available for Carly, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Maybe Carly should just try and be uglier? The other series that Carly wants to count towards her professional learning to make her a better paediatrician is Love on the Spectrum. There is so much mandatory learning at her hospital. Hours of tedious and trite interviews with all sorts of people followed by a banal quiz which her dog Talulah could probably answer and still get above the pass mark. At least with this series, Carly can reflect on how autistic teenagers are keen to date and look at some of the strategies they employ to ensure success. These could well apply to Carly. She wonders if she is in fact autistic. She thinks not but as she is so scary who is going to suggest this? But she does realise that nowadays being autistic is very much verging on the new normal. Most of the participants in Glow-Up, a fantastic competition also on Netflix, for make-up artists, are autistic too. And they are always addressing this aspect of their personality in the creative brief. Like many of these competition programmes, they follow a set pattern. Whether it is baking, sewing or glassblowing, they are all the same. And Carly just loves them. In Glow-Up, they start with an industry assignment, and the two worst performers end up in the red chairs. They have 15 minutes less to complete their creative brief than their competitors. This is judged by Val and Dom (two make-up gurus) and a guest judge. There is of course only one winner who basks in glory for that particular week. Sometimes they get the ultimate accolade and with a verbal “ding-dong” from Val. The two scoring the lowest are in a face off. They must do a 10-minute make-up on identical twins! Maybe a smoky eye or jewel-encrusted lip. One lives to tell another tale and can return the following week. But one is sent off to collect their things and leave. There is always a lot of crying and hugging for all the contestants whether they win or lose. It reminds Carly of a saying from her previous London Rebbetzin. She would say, “Whether you win or lose, you always win!” Carly really disagreed. It is important in life to take defeat on the chin; or is it the nose? There goes Carly again. Irrelevant musings as always!

Carly has watched all manner of cooking competitions including the Blue-Ribbon Baking Championship set in the good olde USofA, The Chef’s Table, BBQ showdown and Cooking with Cannabis. She loved the one on innovative cocktails too. Most of these programmes are a one-off series and this makes Carly so very sad. But she has watched several series of Blown Away. She gets all hot and sweaty thinking about this programme. Again, it is a competition, and they produce the most amazing glass pieces but as the participants are spending all their time by furnaces, glory holes (whatever they are!) and wielding hot metal implements to shape things they are all sweating all the time. And because it is glass, not an episode goes out without someone smashing their hard made work. This is definitely something to watch at home. No one in their right mind would want to be in the boiling hot and dangerous Blown Away workshop. 

Sometimes, Carly puts in some of her favourite craft words into the search engine, but this rarely yields results. How could there be a speedy knitting competition? Fast and knitting are pretty much mutually exclusive. So, Carly asks for recommendations. 

She recently watched Kim’s Convenience Store that Tova had suggested to her. Nice and light watching. Nothing scary; but it was a teensy bit old-fashioned although amusing, nonetheless. Her son Harry told her to watch The Metal Detectorists, which was such fun. Really, something that Carly has never understood. She has recently seen people by the beach in Jaffa searching for metal bits with large waders and unwieldy equipment with headphones to hear the metal talking to them. But the Netflix programme was entertaining anyway. Like many of the podcasts she loves to listen to, she learnt a lot about a new topic she previously knew nothing about. 

When she started going out with David, oh so long ago, they watched The Queens Gambit which was excellent and meant she briefly thought she might want to learn chess but then she decided against that. She often sees it still advertised five years on and it makes her think of David and smile. 

She really enjoyed both Shtisel and Unorthodox which are fictional programmes about the orthodox Jewish community. Certainly, Shtisel was made to be amusing as well as intimate. Interesting, Unorthodox used some of the same actors. Maybe the pool is too small. Then Carly thought back to some of the Spanish series she had seen on Netflix. She watched two period pieces – The Gran Hotel set in the 1900s and Cable Girls in 1930s and Money Heist which was contemporary. They had so many of the same actors. It is quite fun trying to work out who is who in which one! She tried to watch them in the original language rather than dubbed. This is not for pretentious reasons of needing to see them authentically in the language in which they were originally made. But because the temptation is to do something else at the same time whereas Carly can really switch off if she is fully immersed and that means watching the screen for the English translation. 

Sometimes, Carly will decide to spend an evening in and watch an entire movie. If they are too scary or boring, she can easily switch to another one. This is where the top 10 film recommendations are really helpful to narrow things down. Mostly she goes for feel good and romantic comedies. “No, thank you” Carly says to sci-fi or ones with too much murder. 

Her daughter suggested Emily in Paris. What a wonderful and amusing light-hearted series. Carly keeps checking if any new episodes will be coming out but at the end Emily moves to Madrid or Rome. So, it won’t be the same title. Shame that Carly’s memory is so rubbish that she cannot remember in which capital this series ended!

Carly ponders what her favourite series is on Netflix. It has to be Love is Blind. She has watched the American and UK series since its inception. She isn’t sure why she is so smitten. She doesn’t see herself as being one of the women in the pods. They are all fabulously pretty and aged 20 to 35. Carly, of course, does think she is fabulously pretty for her age! But no one on these programmes has any lines or wrinkles. They probably all have Botox. Some of the people at Carly’s work have had Botox numerous times. Carly looks at them with her head tilted to one side and then the other. She wonders if their lips are going to burst. Certainly, they seem really full and pouty and thin. She wonders if they could burst. And there is an excellent blood supply to the lips, so if they did burst, there would be an inordinate amount of blood and possible death may ensue. Really can lips be that necessary to fiddle around with.

Back to Love is Blind. So, Carly knows this is pure voyeurism. She likes to predict how many couples will get engaged, sight unseen, how many will not physically fancy their fiancé and how many will say “yes” at the altar? Carly has done a survey and only one third get married and it is usually the woman who says no. The tension builds up and Carly just cannot wait for each new episode to be screened. She is a total addict and unable to contain her excitement. Unfortunately, she only has her daughter-in-law to share in her obsession. She has decided not to start watching Love is Blind from other countries as it might take over. Well actually even more so. Who is she kidding – it has already. She even made a Ken and Barbie Love is Blind. Will they tie the knot and smash the glass? Who knows…

Carly tries her hand at the dating scene in TLV

Every time Carly returns to the UK, everyone expectantly turns to her, tilts his or her head to the side and looks at her mournfully. “So how is the dating scene in Israel?” Harrumph, says Carly to herself. Really, she is trying but she is also happy being alone. And you just cannot so easily pair up. It is just that most of her friends in the UK are paired up and they want that for her. Even the ones in the most miserable of relationships. As a way of telling the world she is happy being single, on her WhatsApp profile she has a sunny picture of herself and the strapline “Singleness is not a waiting room”. A number of friends have liked this sentiment and agree. But still, Carly does try. For the last two years she has been regularly on three dating apps. “Hinge” as you can select for Jews only and still not pay, “J-Swipe” as she has been on this a very long time and it feels comforting to her and finally a new one – “OkCupid” as that is how her friends Wendy and Francis met and she hopes this might be the one for her and the cure for all ills – well the ills of the incessant repeated question of whether there is anyone special in her life. Gosh, she has so very many special people in her life. But nonetheless, she does go on these apps. And for sanity, it is one month using the dating apps and paying for them and then a two-month recovery period on no dating apps at all.

She keeps her information on the apps up to date with recent photos and information – the right amount – no navel gazing necessary but enough facts to explain that she came to live in Israel just before the October 2023 war and speaks no Hebrew. She has tried to learn. Not really very hard, but it all stems back to Miss Garnet. She still remembers where she was sitting in the classroom in her burgundy City of London School for Girls uniform in one of her last ever French lessons before the O level. Miss Garnet, in a very loud voice, pointed with her index finger at Carly, who really was then totally Caroline. All these decades later she freezes at the thought of this embarrassing scenario. The teacher called her just by her surname just to make her feel even smaller. This wasn’t the usual form of address in a girls’ school. She said in a booming, snarly voice “Fertleman, you are not to touch French A Level with a barge pole”. And that was the end of Carly’s ability to learn any languages. She even got the top grade of an A in the French O Level. She wondered why she was banned.

And this does have a bearing on using dating apps in Israel. Many of the men will obviously reply to her in Hebrew. But really Carly cannot manage a relationship other than in English. She will translate with some of the men she has matched with on Google Translate and reply in English. When they persist in continuing in Hebrew when she has been explicit then puff, they are to be ghosted. One of the men she met on OkCupid was born in Spain – Fernando. And he had lived in America for four years. But he wanted to conduct a relationship in English only using Google Translate. This wasn’t going to bode well as Carly is pretty impatient. He was a very nice man and wrote the most beautiful text messages (he fessed up later these were on ChatGPT). He was very romantic and an excellent kisser. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was on the second date where he claims he had given all his money to a friend whose apartment had been hit in recent Iranian missile attacks. But Carly knew something wasn’t quite right. The local government has everything in place to help people like his friend. And it meant Fernando, good soul that he was, came to the second date with only 40 shekels which doesn’t even cover a glass of wine. And really, he lived for four years in the USA with no spoken English. Maybe he just got by in Spanish. Hey ho.

Around the same time as this Carly met a very nice man – Avishay. He had been divorced for a long time and worked as a salesman. He told Carly he was a real sales expert! He could sell just about anything. He was born to Bulgarian parents and really liked to eat in a couple of cafes that cooked the food of his childhood. Also being a creature of habit, he always went to the same café – Alma in Jaffa. This makes an appearance later in this story! Avishay’s spoken English was excellent, although his texting was completely unintelligible – Carly told him he must only leave voice notes.

He was kind and funny and arranged to take Carly on a romantic picnic near the river in Bavli, northern TLV. Then he suggested Carly come to his place for a home cooked meal. It was, by his own admission, the only meal he cooked. Pasta with tomato sauce. So, Carly set off with her trusty dog, Talulah, into the depths of Bat Yam by bus. She went into his apartment. It was all dark and dingy. There were no pictures on the wall, there were cheap, stackable white plastic chairs on the balcony, which was strange, as he was currently working at a high-end garden furniture show room. And in the kitchen. Horror of horrors. The cabinets were clearly falling off, as there were shoelaces tying the cupboard handles together to stop the contents falling on the floor. The pasta was unremarkable (one plastic pot of tomato paste, onion and garlic) and despite having a car didn’t offer to take Carly back. When she eventually arrived home, she ended that one with one of her previously stored text replacement phrases.

As this was dating month, Carly went a bit mad and was reaching out to all manner of people. Ilan seemed very nice. Carly said that she wasn’t keen on all this texting and if he was up for it she’d love to meet him face to face. He was going to be passing through, near her on the way from his home to his daughter and could stop by for a coffee. It had been a night of heavy bombing and only a few coffee shops were open. But the one on her street was. It felt a bit like covid all over again. There was a queue all down the street but without the social distancing. But this was Carly and Ilan’s rendezvous point. Carly always goes on first dates with Talulah as she is comforting for Carly and provides a modicum of safety. Also of utmost importance is that any potential date must like animals. In the words of her son Tobes “People who don’t like animals are red flags to any relationship for me!”

So, she trundled down her street and was overwhelmed by the long line but spotted Ilan. He already had three negative attributes – frizzy hair, mirrored aviator sunglasses and bursting out of his tee-shirt with supersized pectorals. But it wasn’t going to be a long date, so she continued. They decided that the queue would take too long and instead headed off for an iced lolly by the clocktower. But there was an issue. And it is one of the reasons Carly prefers to meet in person. Smell. And boy oh boy was there a bad smell. A combination of fish and sewage. Carly kept wrinkling up her nose, but it would not go away. It followed her from the overly popular coffee shop to the iced lolly shop, to the bench where they sat and Ilan told her what a ‘he-man’ he was whilst eating. He then said he had to go. Carly was delighted as with him heading off, the smell would disappear too. He told her he could swing by on his return and Carly said she would let him know. The moment he was out of earshot Carly sent him the nix/nox text. And breathed a sigh of relief. And she headed home with Talulah. Another one bites the dust. But wait a moment. The smell continued…Carly smelt all over her body and could not locate the area. And then thought he must have thought she smelt and was still prepared to meet again. She went home bemused. On the way into her building, she told her neighbour, Noa, the story of the smelly date. Noa looked at her with her head cocked to the side, in disbelief. Really. Could Carly not work it out? It was the dog who smelt and then Carly remembered her walk that morning. They had walked past all the fishing nets in the Jaffa Port and Talulah had rolled in them endlessly. Carly glared down at Talulah and said, “Bath,” firmly and in she jumped for a major wash and shampoo. Maybe, Carly should have apologised to Ilan but this relationship was never going to work out on account of the three negative attributes.

So back to the drawing board. Another day, another dollar.

Nicole, a good friend, introduced her sister, Tanya, to Carly. She thought they would have a lot in common, and they do! Tanya lived in Tel Aviv and Nicole knew Carly was going to be moving there at some point in time in the future. And, although they get on well, they have a lot of differences. All that Carly can remember from that first meeting at a trendy restaurant in Tel Aviv was that she could hardly hear anything. This was because of the extremely loud and very lousy music. But this is very much Tanya’s vibe, so they chose to differ on this. Tanya was forever suggesting that Carly joins her on some all-night dancing rave. But then they both remember that very first meeting. Not only would the music be too loud but dancing all night – too reminiscent of her days as a junior doctor having to stay awake all night. “No thanks” thinks Carly. They will have to go their separate ways on that one. 

Of course, to be such good friends they do have lots of other things in common. They both have grey hair. Is this binding for them? Probably not. Carly’s is rarely just grey. Normally lots of other colours in the red-blue spectrum are involved. But Tanya likes hers just plain grey. Actually, it is almost a goldenly type of grey. This meant when they went to the Alpaca Farm for a short holiday, they had to very carefully choose the colour order of the undyed alpaca yarn for the stripey jumper Carly was going to knit for Tanya. Tanya did not want her hair to look yellowish against the cream. It seemed best for the top of the jumper to be black and then gradually go through various greys to a cream at the base. Carly felt that colour placement and order are important to make the viewer see the lusciousness of Tanya’s hair. Which it is. So yes. Tanya and Carly do have grey hair, and this might be something they both enjoy and relish rather than endless dyeing of roots and playing pretend that they are young, but that really isn’t enough for an entire friendship. Can you imagine going up to someone and saying, “Ah, you have lovely grey hair, I admire you for embracing your age, I agree with that value set, and so will you be my friend?”

Tanya and Carly had a wonderful trip to the Alpaca Farm and whilst there made a BBQ, went horse-riding, watched alpacas and went for walks. They shared a bed the first night. That was the first and last time. No more stealing of duvets and being too close. The second night, Carly took to the fold-up bed, and both were so much happier. Phew. Honesty is always the best course along with open and clear communication as the key to new friends going on holiday. And this paved the way for a holiday of a lifetime together. To India.

Carly got to Amber Fort, Jaipur, Rajasthan, a day before Tanya. This meant she could go around with Busty Bindi Barbie and introduce her to cows, traditionally dressed Indian men and women as well as having a fabulous time in the Anokhi Museum. This was going to be Tanya’s first time in India. In fact, any non-Western country and so Carly was mindful to make it as enjoyable for Tanya as possible. Carly intended to trip down memory lane, but it was all new and exciting for Tanya. Mobile communication was dodgy, and Carly wasn’t sure when Tanya would arrive. She marched up to the main road and someone on a motorbike offered her a lift. Ooooh what fun. Then she saw a taxi swerve past her with what looked like a white woman with goldenly grey hair in the back. She insisted the biker stop and hey presto she found Tanya. They then zoomed off together to the rather basic homestay in the cab. They had a wonderful time around Amber Fort. They had coffee in terracotta one-use cups (which Carly brought home for plants) whilst watching the elephants returning with their riders from their morning work. They had sumptuous meals at the mosaic guesthouse and watched (yet again for Carly) the sound and light show at the Fort. As expected, there were lots of battles and coronations! All was going well for both of them. Of course they had their differences. Tanya insisted on having ice made from bottled water. Carly would endlessly roll her eyes. And every time they set off, Tanya had to pee. Carly explained that it was much better for her bladder to hold more urine to improve her pelvic floor and didn’t she manage many hours overnight? But it had been drilled into Tanya as a child that you HAVE to PASS URINE at every available opportunity. Carly thinks gleefully now that maybe she still pops into Tanya’s head every time she pees in the daytime. But maybe she doesn’t? She will have to clarify this with Tanya as soon as possible! And finally, there is Tanya’s ridiculous overuse of the word yummy. There are so many alternatives such as delicious, delectable, lip-smacking, luscious and tasty. And Carly is eager to point them out. But don’t worry. It is not one-sided! Carly is no angel in Tanya’s eyes who is happy to point out her foibles to her. She is particularly driven to giving Carly unsolicited advice about romantic intimate situations. 

Then the pair went to stay at one of Carly’s all-time favourite hotels. 47 Jobner Bagh is in the centre of Jaipur. It was a treasure of a place with an excellent restaurant, beautiful lawns and spectacular flower arrangements of marigolds in trugs of water. Everyone staying there was in the chic end of the clothing business from Paris, Madrid and Lisbon. Carly and Tanya felt rather old and fuddy-duddy by comparison. They also took some very dodgy Ubers around the city mostly for Carly to see if she could scare Tanya witless… And she did!

Their best day in Jaipur was with Tanya’s Snoopy who had a whole wardrobe of outfits as they took him round the Jantar Mantar (royal observatory) and Hawa Mahal (palace of the winds). It was astonishing how many tourists and locals were happy to pose with this cute stuffed animal. Groups of school children and entire families would engage in Carly’s photographic project. Carly did take Snoopy out early one morning for a session with a load of local wildlife. Actually, beasts of burden and the like. And whoops. Carly forgot the rules and had placed Snoopy on the ground. She profusely apologised and NEVER did this again. Or, in fact, did she?

Tanya and Carly then set off for the dyeing and printing city of Bagru. This was really Carly’s thing, but Tanya was happy to muddle along with her. But for sure she was less keen. Especially when she saw the shared bathroom. So, Tanya went back with the other tourists who attended the workshop and stayed in a fancy hotel in Jaipur and drank lots of gins and tonics. Carly had a much more mediocre evening eating with the family. By then Busty Bindi Barbie was a double amputee having lost a leg and an arm and so she left this poor soul there. Nevertheless, she was pleased with what she had printed on fabric using Bagru, Dabu and acrylic techniques. 

Then off for the final stop of Pushkar. They each had huge rooms in the Dia Homestay. Ravi, the house manager, immediately remembered Carly from five years before and showed her what was left of the tree she had yarn-bombed – not much! He took them about on his scooter to a rose factory and to a temple besieged by monkeys at the top of 89 steps. He took them back to his place for supper. After eating his daughter and niece decorated both their left feet with sumptuous henna designs. Ravi still regularly sends messages to both Tanya and Carly. But he was very clear. They must return next time with boyfriends! Oh no…such pressure.

Whilst in Pushkar, Tanya and Carly decided to be regular tourists for once. They went in a taxi to Ajmer. In the wonderfully exotic Jain temple, Tanya showed Carly how to take a myriad of reflection photos. This was a great place to do it as it looked like the designers of the shrine were high on several different kinds of psychedelic mushrooms. There were all manner of mythical beasts and air transportation devices only the most imaginative of minds could think of. And all of it made of gold. It made you quite giddy as well as being breathtaking. 

Next up was the Ajmer Fort with its museum. There was a long corridor with lots of mirrors and side rooms set at strange angles. Most of the pieces were on loan elsewhere. Or had been removed or stolen. Carly raced along with Tanya videoing from behind. They both collapsed in heaps of giggles at the end. Finally, they went to a shopping mall where Carly bought some very cheap trainer socks ($1 for 3 pairs).

Carly and Tanya happened to be in Pushkar on October 7^th and decided they would have a ceremony in commemoration of the hostages taken and the start of the war in Israel a year before. They sat on a bench outside Tanya’s room and lit incense sticks, burnt tea lights, arranged some flowers in a vase, ate several kinds of Indian sweets and drank gin and tonics out of teacups. Pushkar is dry and this is how you can secretly drink alcohol there. They read out all the names of the hostages and some appropriate information about each of them. It felt pertinent and meaningful. 

Carly and Tanya had a fabulous trip. They had ironed out any issues by travelling together beforehand and being thoroughly open when communicating to prevent irritations, however seemingly minor, becoming insurmountable. They remain the best of friends to this day. And will they return with boyfriends? Who knows?