Carly is rather bemused that she can write two stories back-to-back about dating. It is not as though she is a floozy. Or, that she has even been out with that many men. Or that was her sole raison d’être for coming to live in Israel, despite what her family and friends in the UK think. She has, for sure, made a real stab at it. The whole experience has been illuminating and, for the most part, fun. But wholly unsuccessful. She wonders if the war has helped her improve her dating. Certainly, during Covid times dating was easier than at other times. She thinks people are desperate to make connections and communicate with others in any way they can when times are hard. This time it is between running to shelters to hide from falling shrapnel from missiles. Previously, it was to maintain tight bubbles and to wear masks to reduce the spread of a virus. Carly knows any day which danger she would prefer. Bubbles and masks were the bane of her life, and she didn’t really do either fully or, if truth be told, even at all. And now when she sees people wearing masks, she sighs a little sigh, as she feels so sorry for these misguided people. Her brother told her the only protection it affords is to stop the wearer transmitting the virus. He says it with total conviction, as he always does. But he can be wrong! And, as Carly has not had a fever, and therefore, a viral infection for over seven years, she feels she really doesn’t need to wear them. Enough of masks…
Carly has been very open about introductions. She has let it be known that from the get-go she isn’t concerned how she meets someone, and this was a way that has always worked in the past. First there was a man from Ramat Gan who was a quantity surveyor. This was through a medical colleague. He had been divorced for years. And had stopped seeing his son recently – oh no – red flag. But he was by way of a personal introduction, so Carly decided to continue to see him. However, it then became clear he had never cooked a single meal for himself since his divorce many years ago. And his idea of a fun date was to drag Carly to Ashqelon where he had to deliver a surveyor’s report for damage caused by shrapnel. This was going to take a while and might be quite acrimonious, so Carly, avoidant of confrontation at all times, went off to take a tour around the town centre. She wishes she hadn’t. What a dump. When they reconvened, he hadn’t even found the person who needed the report. They were in the car driving off when said customer phoned him and Carly still had to witness the argy-bargy between her date and the customer about the report content’s. They went to eat in a deserted fish restaurant on the beach. But all in all, this was not the man for her. The other introduction was Zadok (as in the high priest). Carly found him very attractive and the conversation flowed well. He seemed to be on a path of self-discovery and was off the next day to meditate for a month in Costa Rica, having sold his paint factory. This seemed like a journey from the sublime to the ridiculous. She wasn’t sure which end was which. But he told her he didn’t feel there was a spark. Carly was rather dismayed and remonstrated with herself, “We are in our later middle life, and surely no one expects butterflies and love at first sight anymore,”. And Carly thinks she is quite attractive. And her friends have told her this too and not to lower her expectations. But clearly, she was not deemed gorgeous enough to this high priest. Even the friend, who she’d met at her workout class, and arranged the introduction, was upset about this.
There were some short flings with men she’d met on dating apps. Mosh was a lovely local guy. Her dog adored him, and he was a great masseuse. But clearly there was a family issue about commitment as neither he nor his four siblings had ever been in long-term relationships and none of them had children. “What had gone on in their childhood?” mused Carly. And he smoked so that was always going to be a non-starter. There was Eilan who just wanted to use her car parking space. And Arik who bored her senseless with prolonged video calls showing off the amazing property he looked after. There was Itzik who was always on his phone. Udi who was a little bit religious and wanted Carly to play a psychological game with him so they could get to know each other better. Carly felt she was undertaking some sort of test. And she failed as he ended the relationship citing yet again, he wasn’t attracted to her. Harrumph.
And then there were some non-dates. Ethan had met Carly on two different dating apps. He was young and attractive and lived in America. Carly kept him on the back burner as she had no intention of going to the States. She told him she would be in London all summer and he insisted he’d fly over for the weekend. They hadn’t even talked on the phone. He has once previously tried to impress her with how rich he was but that wasn’t a big draw for Carly. Just before he was due to fly over, he petitioned Carly to accept a parcel in the UK for him. He just couldn’t get there in time for it to arrive from Dublin. Immediately, Carly was suspicious. What was in it and why would she receive it for him? He told her $350,000 was in the package. So clearly either cash, drugs, or gold bullion. Carly said a firm no, even when he continually pushed her to receive it. She could not believe she had been scammed. And who doesn’t get on a flight to the UK from the USA for such a large sum of money? She then blocked Ethan and reported him to both dating app sites. Phew. Lucky escape. Carly couldn’t believe how long she had carried on communicating with him. She consoled herself that people, including her, are always looking for love.
One particularly bad dating app episode had led her to look at another way to date. Lani was a slightly older, but nonetheless good-looking bloke. They arranged to meet by one of her favourite cafes in Jaffa. She set off with Talulah as her safety blanket, and he then kept calling her. Firstly, she had chosen a spot where there was no free parking. Secondly, he couldn’t even stop to meet Carly as the police kept trying to move him on. When they finally met up, he tried to insist on her coming into his car. She firmly declined and told him about the large car park next to their meeting place. He parked and returned to meet Carly but was clearly rather upset and told her categorically that the way she treated him was unacceptable. She knew he was in a car, and they should have met by Café Alma which had free parking nearby. He proceeded to give her a lecture on how she should be much more considerate of others if she wants to be in a long-term relationship. He then calmed down and asked if she wanted to meet him again. Carly shook her head decisively. He asked whether she found him handsome. She told him he was, but being told off, before even starting a relationship didn’t bode well for the future. Off he went in a huff.
So, Carly thought she should try her hand at speed dating. She found one for people from 55 to 65. And she signed up. Well, she would have done had her credit card not been declined. The bank called her but only spoke in Hebrew. She ran into the nearest shop asking for some translating help. Only the woman on the till offered to help. The bank wanted to know if Carly had signed up for speed dating. By then the whole shop knew what was going on and it became a huge joke. It was embarrassing as she was asked to verify her spending history where she normally shopped. Oh dear. She told them it was the grocery competitor across the street. Carly laughed about it and the payment went through. When she turned up at the event where she was told she was lucky to get a place, there were only half the number of people that had signed up because of the rain. It meant the whole experience couldn’t be dragged out for too long. Most men spoke limited English or were way above 65. She did meet two lovely men, and it restored her faith, albeit temporarily, in dating Israeli men. She went out for a wonderful Mexican meal with Yossi who was ever the gentleman and paid. Carly was a bit put off by Yossi having a four-year-old son. He was a bit put off by the lack of kissing as it was still raining and Carly was freezing cold. So that was that.
Later, she met the other man, Kobi. He was super nice, friendly and lovely but was clearly already in a relationship and had been persuaded to come to the dating event without paying to make up the numbers on the male side!
Carly was not having much luck in love, but she will continue to look with some focus but not in extremis. It can be so overwhelming and soul-destroying. Poor Carly. But she will pick herself up. She always does!
