Even, and maybe especially, in a pandemic, Carly can find it troublesome to follow all the rules. Partly because the rules, she thinks, are silly or don’t really apply to her. They are really more like guidelines. One, in particular, is the wearing of masks. Carly is a doctor and has been able to work throughout the pandemic. Thank goodness as she really likes to be busy. Even when it was pretty quiet in her paediatric department, as all the children were at home and getting no bugs and having no accidents. But try as she might, she has never had Covid. Carly has worked with loads of patients with Covid. And been with colleagues, family and friends who have got it and still no symptoms. Carly has not had a fever, cold, cough or loss of smell in over three years. She does get wheezy with tree-pollen allergy but nothing else. Ho hum. Maybe, she just is immune. And of course, now she is vaccinated. Carly has found the masks a huge inconvenience and bug bear. Yes, there is some evidence they do work. But she just cannot bear them. They feel constricting and uncomfortable. And so, for the last six months in the hospital, where they are still mandatory, she hasn’t worn them. She tells parents it is because she needs to lip read what they are saying to her. Of course, this is the wrong way round and some parents roll their eyes and sigh, but nearly all are equally happy to wear them as beard covers or rip them off all together.
Recently one of the senior ward clerks, Antoinette, told Carly of a funny incident. Antoinette is well up there on Carly’s approved list. A few years back, Carly wanted to produce some communications skills teaching on breaking bad news using artificial intelligence with avatars. Firstly, they had to film health care professionals acting this out with a plastic baby and an actor playing a distraught mother. Her child’s operation had been cancelled last minute. The staff had to relay this to the mother. Carly had corralled a number of nurses and doctors, who varied greatly in how they could expertly handle this mother’s anger and frustration. Carly then commandeered Antoinette who didn’t have any training in this or expectation to do this in her job as an administrator but was by far and away the best at telling the mother and calming her down. On another occasion, Carly had asked Antoinette to play the part of a mother of an extremely unwell child during a simulation. She was fabulous. So, it came as a bit of surprise when Antoinette was reprimanded by a nurse for not wearing her mask on the ward. She was told categorically that she was not Carly, and so normal rules applied. Both Antoinette and Carly laughed wholeheartedly.
On another occasion, Carly had gone with her daughter Boo to a pottery class. It had been rather pricey, and they thought they were going to be learning how to throw pots on a wheel. But it was just pinch pots. Rather a disappointment for Carly. Surely any old person at home can make a pinch pot. This was still during mandatory mask wearing. And Carly told the organiser she was excused from wearing one. Boo eyed her suspiciously. Carly didn’t have one of those nifty exemption cards. But she stepped outside alone at the beginning with the potter running the class to say that she had panic attacks when wearing the mask and surely, he didn’t want one of his pupils having such a terrifying outbreak in his class? She wished she had not even bothered as the class was really suboptimal. Pinch pots? And as it was in trendy Hackney it was at a premium price.
Other rules during the pandemic Carly found it hard to follow, were ones that stopped her from travelling. Carly only really feels serene and calm when she is away. If only she could spend her entire time away. But, no, that isn’t possible. She should try and learn how to be more tranquil at home. But there is always sorting out, clearing up, laundry, eating and food shopping. So dull and exhausting.
There have been two favourite places she has been to regularly over these last few years. Lemnaradis in Greece and Long Buckby in the Midlands. Both required ingenuity and bending of rules to be visited. For Carly, the joy of going to these places is both about the place and the people there. And the excitement of reinterpreting the rules to actually travel there. She has to employ different strategies to get where she wants to be.
Carly’s very good friend Sandra lives in Long Buckby. They are both committed knitters who met in a chateau in France in 2008. They have both just been divorced after very long marriages. Their oldest boys are both mathematicians and working in finance. They both love dogs. And food. And are happy to be a bit rule bendy – Carly more so than Sandra.
Early in lockdown, travel was really frowned upon. Some stations had a police presence and cordoned off the entrance which was only allowed for essential travel. Carly was going for some rest and relaxation, which she deemed essential for her mental wellbeing. This in turn helps her to be a better doctor but this is clearly open to scrutiny. However, if Sandra was prepared for Carly to come and stay and sneak her in under cover of darkness through the back gate, then it was incumbent on Carly to make the journey up.
Some stations had so many entrances that it was difficult to police non-vital travel. But the train to Long Buckby was from Euston. And that had but one entrance. Okey dokey. Carly had to cook up some scheme. She planned to tell the police officers that she was the world expert in Paroxysmal Extreme Pain Disorder formerly known as Familial Rectal Pain. This was completely true. She was going to visit a patient with this condition in Daventry Hospital. This was completely untrue. She asked her good friend Simon to look up and memorise the symptoms should the police want to verify Carly’s alibi. Luckily Simon was happy to be part of this scam and additionally has a good memory for all the salient features of this condition. Eye pain, jaw pain and rectal pain with a harlequin colour change. Carly took her NHS work badge and showed it to the police officer who didn’t enquire further. Once on the train Carly stood Simon down, so he didn’t need to expect any tricky phone calls. Over the last 2½ years, Carly has been Sandra’s guest 19 times. This is lucky as this is her favourite prime number after 7. Sandra prepares the meals with Carly as the sous chef and the buyer of lots of rose wine. Carly smirks to herself that she spends so much time there. No one has ever heard of Long Buckby. It is hardly a holiday destination, but Carly feels enveloped in Sandra’s love and in return Carly brings alcohol and humour. As well as both of them being party to some pandemic naughtiness.
But the piece de resistance is how Carly went to Greece early on when the rules were strict. Both in Greece and in the UK. To get into Greece, Carly had to have a reason. So, she decided she was going to buy a property. Obviously not really. And her host in Lemnaradis, Mariel, was prepared to play along. Over the week Carly was there, they would visit a number of properties. Carly had all the estate agency information she needed in an email from Mariel. Step one achieved. Getting into the country. Woohoo. And no they didn’t visit any houses.
Next was leaving Greece. She would need a negative Covid test. So, Mariel drove her and the other intrepid guests down to the town. There seemed to be a bit of leeway on the documented dates of the test results, despite all being taken at exactly the same time. They were all negative but as each country had different rules on how long the test would be valid, helpfully, the woman in the test centre, slightly fixed the dates accordingly.
Finally, there was getting back to London without the need for staying in a hotel or at home for 10 days as Greece was designated amber for Covid status by the UK authorities. No, this would not suit Carly, who finds staying indoors for one day entirely irksome. She found out that she didn’t need to be isolated if she was involved in a clinical trial. She knew this in advance as she was suitably qualified through her previous research experience. She persuaded her clinical lead, she should be a co-investigator on a trial. They only had to recruit three patients in two years. Surely that wouldn’t be too hard even if the condition was pretty rare? She did all the totally tedious online training and wrote a letter on behalf of her clinical lead who duly signed it.
But what she hadn’t prepared for was the incident with the wasp. Whilst she was drinking coffee in a local café enjoying the view of the mountains and the sea, in Lemnaradis, she didn’t pay attention and nearly swallowed a wasp. This led to a sting to her lower lip. She had a video call with her mother later that day who asked her why she had Botox. But she hadn’t. Carly isn’t the type of person to have cosmetic injections. She just has to wear more neutral shades of lipstick because, as you hit your 50s, the darker colours bleed out. The vermillion border isn’t so crisp as you age.
Anyway, when she tried to go through the electronic gates, having shown her clinical-trial-get-out of amber-isolation-letter, she was stopped. The computer said no. There was no big fat lower lip on her passport photo. But the nice woman behind the passport desk could see the funny side and waved her on. The lip soon settled with antihistamines. This was indeed welcomed by Carly who was not only self-conscious but dribbling all liquids! And to this day neither the clinical lead nor Carly have recruited any patients into the trial. And Carly has no intention of ever doing so…
