Carly was not good at being a slave. Being told what to do was something she had always struggled with. Carly didn’t see the point in making bricks which were all the same shape and colour. Carly asked Pharoah if she could make purple bricks instead; he said no. Carly asked Pharoah if she could knit him a blanket instead of making bricks; he said no. Carly didn’t like being made to line up for everything; she asked Pharoah if he had autistic tendencies; he said no.
Carly decided to ask Pharoah if the children of Israel could leave Egypt. As she didn’t use WhatsApp anymore, she had to write him a letter. He didn’t reply. Carly asked her daughter to send Pharoah a message for her on Facebook. Carly’s daughter said no Mum – you swore never to go on Facebook, and we all know you always do what you say you will do.
Carly took herself down to Pharoah’s palace on her electric bike, once she had worked out how to unlock it from the Pyramids. The guards tried to stop her entering so she gave them a big kiss and they ran away. She entered and found Pharoah in his hot tub. Carly said to Pharoah – “I’m Doctor Rude, who are you?” Pharoah didn’t think that was funny, which Carly said confirmed that he was probably autistic. Carly said, “Why won’t you F—king let my people go?” Pharoah said her mother wouldn’t like her using language like that.
Carly asked Pharoah to describe his relationship with his parents as she had lots of experience of dealing with problem children and their neurotic parents. Carly suggested that Pharoah might find having a cat therapeutic, but not a dog.
In the end, Pharoah and Carly did a deal. He said the children of Israel could leave and go to Tel Aviv. In return, Carly had to give him a cat and teach him how to make a knitted blanket. Carly said ok but she needed a coffee first; in a proper china cup and none of that instant rubbish either.
So, Carly taught Pharoah how to knit, using her specially made psychedelic glittery yarn and the children of Israel made it to Tel Aviv, although the security guards at Ben Gurion kept asking whether the matza, they packed had been given to them by anyone else.
Actually.
Carly didn’t write this story at all. Some friends invited her over on the first night of Passover 2021 to celebrate the yearly escape as slaves from Egypt. This of course includes lots of wine and indigestible matzos which are like water biscuits. This was very kind of the family to ask her to join them. They had heard many of her Carly stories and so, as a family, wrote one for her in which she played a starring role. Carly isn’t quite sure if she wants others to ape her work. It certainly isn’t the requisite length of story that Carly has decided is optimal. This has to be between 1307 and 1703 words. Carly is quite a stickler for this rule. Clearly not lots of other rules. She isn’t even sure she was supposed to be at this family during this particular time. Actually, she is quite sure. She shouldn’t have been there, but Carly can be influential and get others to break rules if this suits her purpose. Anyway, she is grateful they wrote this story. And in this collection of short stories (averaging of course 1505 words) she has Carly-style quotes from her daughter Boo and her good friend Zoë. And even though she could find out about the law surrounding copyright she isn’t sure that the Carly style is that unique. Shame thinks Carly. Would have been nice!
