Carly has a number of rules that she would suggest you follow if you want to start dating. Particularly if you are that foxy silver haired woman in the prime of her life. Not really rules. That makes it sound like Carly is being a bit too didactic. More like sensible suggestions that she strongly urges you follow. But if you don’t, she won’t actually get that upset. She might be a bit miffed. Because in the back of her head is the mantra “Carly is always right” but she is new to the dating game and really, she is actually no expert. However, she is a person of strong opinions.
Number one is don’t start during a pandemic. Particularly if you are perceived as a “Dirty Covid Worker” like she was. But she does realise that personal circumstances about when you become free to date aren’t always on the global-absence-of-a-pandemic-register. Or whatever normal times are called. Can she even remember? Gosh thinks Carly – I do bloody hope so!
Don’t be picky or you may lose out on someone who is just right for you. Carly muses about this. She has rules to be followed and then to be broken – like being picky. For her, she has decided they must be male, Jewish and either divorced or widowed. She says to herself that if you are in your mid-50s, it is unlikely anyone would be single at this age and not be weird. She realises this is being “singlist”. But she does need some boundaries so that the dating choices don’t become overwhelming.
And on the other hand, she tells herself not to be too fussy. Oh gosh. It is like she is standing there with an apple in each hand. Weighing things up. Like dating rules. So, when she moves her right hand up, her left hand goes down in sympathy. Then back up the other way round. She is standing there with her arms wildly going up and down with an apple in each hand. Really, she just cannot decide what she should stick to! She doesn’t really like apples that much as it happens. Granny Smiths are too tart and really what is this obsession with Pink Ladies? Apples are often good for making into sauce to go with latkes. Really, she prefers sour cream. But as always Carly is getting distracted and away from the advice she is offering to those planning on dating.
She has decided on male as she isn’t interested in dating women. And Jewish because she can narrow the field and get some background reference checks. Carly has listened to some dreadful podcasts about men who have stolen from unsuspecting dates. She doesn’t want to be that trusting woman who is misled. And she is Jewish by the way!
Be glad if you aren’t a tall woman as this might open you up to more possibilities as there are plenty of men who would prefer to date someone shorter than them. Carly is short. A bit overweight and she did previously have very large breasts, but these have been trimmed down under the knife. Seemed like a good investment to go with the new Carly. She has one friend who only uses apps where the heights are recorded. She is forever swiping left (goodbye) as the men on the site are shorter than her. Carly’s grandfather was a lot shorter than her grandmother and her mother is taller than her father when she is wearing heals. So, Carly doesn’t really see what all the bother is about. They all had long marriages. Oh gosh. Don’t get Carly started on long marriages and whether all couples who remain together were happy below the surface.
An absolute rule is no kids on a first date. Why would Carly want to meet someone where the previous “woman” was so clearly present through her genetic off-spring? Meeting other people’s children is irritating enough thinks Carly. She is a paediatrician and so works with children. Why on earth would she want to be sweetness and light to them in her personal life as well? Certainly, no more than the bare minimum. She does even begin to wonder why she is a paediatrician? Aren’t they supposed to like kids? She even has mixed feelings about her own offspring sometimes!
Carly advises that you ask the dates you meet to be honest and let you know what you need to remove or boost on your dating profile information. How truthful should you be about yourself on these apps, thinks Carly? She has used some photos that are a teensy bit out of date. Well 10 years. Is this terrible? Carly says to herself that this is probably not a probity issue that she needs to declare on her tedious yearly appraisal paperwork. Just a bit of poetic license. Actually, photographic license!
Be suspicious of people who don’t put up any photos at all of themselves – just their pets or worst still their football team. Or they are always wearing sunglasses – just as bad and very pretentious.
Make sure that you dress appropriately reasons Carly. She always makes an effort on a first date. She has a special first date dress she bought in a clothes swish. Very fancy and only a tenner! Carly does like to be mindful of her spend. Carly feels she needs to be with people who have at least some hobbies. Just watching TV doesn’t count. But she realises that she doesn’t want to be with someone just like her with similar pastimes. Carly is fervent about knitting. She doesn’t want to share her yarn obsession with a date who is likely to have mediocre feelings just to rub along with her. He must have his own interests and passions.
And then Carly thinks about sport. She keeps fit with her yoga and cycling but really isn’t much bothered about watching it. But for sure Carly doesn’t want to meet men who have swiped right because they realise, she lives in Highbury and so would have easy parking for an Arsenal game at the nearby Emirates Stadium.
Another absolute no no is men who, for whatever reason, do not see one or more of their kids. Carly feels that they have to fight for them and whatever has happened there needs to be forgiveness with unstinting love and support. Carly thinks that however bitter the split between this new man in her life and his previous partner, the children cannot be the fallout of this acrimony.
Before using dating apps Carly tried to encourage friends and family to introduce her to men the old-fashioned way. But this didn’t really work out. This antiquated way of doing things seems to have fallen by the wayside. Carly felt rather miffed. Why was everything stacked against her?
Then she worked it out. Everyone uses dating apps. The young and the old. Even those with truckloads of people they could meet in person. Carly’s younger children were at university where we can assume the supply of meeting people in person is plentiful. But they still use dating apps.
Carly did have one friend who did say she would arrange an introduction in person. Despite regular prodding from Carly who is an expert and professional nagger, her friend said she hadn’t seen this divorced man for ages and felt she should ask him over for supper before she could introduce him to Carly. But she was clearly hesitant, and Carly took things into her own hands. Carly is both impatient and tenacious. She would look him up and ask him out. She thought carefully what she said in her email and then boom off it went flying into the ether. The speedy reply was a firm thanks but no! On another occasion Carly petitioned the chair of her hospital. She met on the pretense of talking about the work environment but then Carly came clean. Surely this woman who had been the rabbi of a large synagogue in London must know someone looking? The chair shook her head and had no one in mind. She did actually try to find someone who might measure up to Carly’s exacting standards and replied several months later the fields were indeed fallow. Crestfallen, Carly returned to the trusty apps.
Of course, with apps when you firstly meet someone you need to reply with witty messages. It was plainly difficult for Carly to always get this right. So, if she rather liked someone, Carly would move to speaking on the phone or use video calls as soon as possible. If these went well, meeting in person was really the quickest way to get the measure of a potential boyfriend.
Carly feels this is helpful advice on dating. She should know as she has dated quite a few people despite it being a pandemic. She is keen that you know, however, that she is neither loose nor a floozy.
